


Hanakotoba (The Language of Flowers)

by speia



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, tokyo ghoul :re
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ancient Japan, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Long Haired Arima, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Samurai Arima, Servant Haise, Shirazu lives, Smut, This one would have an happy ending i SWEAR, Wtf is tagging tho, a bit of angst, of course
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-08-30 05:11:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 26,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8519788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speia/pseuds/speia
Summary: In an alternate universe during the feudal period, ghouls have already taken over Japan. Haise, a young servant from the Shôen, is far from knowing his fate has been already sealed.Listen to this while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jasgbX9iwAY





	1. Morning Glory

 

 

Haise sighed. He took another step, heading downtown. Usually he didn’t quite mind going for the errands. But today… today was different. He couldn’t tell why. Just this strange feeling inside his chest. He looked up: the weather was fine, though the air a bit cold. He looked around: people were just acting as always. _I’m just being silly._ He turned around to take his secret shortcut. He knew he wasn’t allowed to use unsafe roads for even a servant from the Shôen could become a target, a way to “send a message” to the emperor. _Though I’m valueless to his eyes._ But he couldn’t help himself. He liked this route better. No people. Pleasant things to see. Haise liked to walk near the stream that followed that path. He liked to see the trees. It always relaxed him. But not today. Today was different. His strange feeling intensified as he entered the small unguarded road. It was silent. Too silent. Haise shook his head. _It’s always very calm in here._ But the birds… where were the birds? None was singing. Silence. Complete silence. Just the soft watery sound of the stream. Haise kept heading his way in discomfort. He was so lost in his own thinking he barely noticed when he crossed path with two men he had never seen before. Though it actually was strange to meet people here, Haise chose to say nothing and bent his head down. His strange feeling turned into fear when they stopped him.

“Hey, you! What are you doing here?”

The men wore black kimonos and smelt like iron. Haise was positive. He never saw any of them before. He wasn’t even sure they belonged to the city.

“So-sorry…” Haise bent down clumsily. “I’m on my way to errands, I’m a servant from the Shôen.”

“Downtown is not that way. Head back” the man’s tone was sharp and cold. Haise felt somehow hurt.

“Apologies, my lord” Haise lowered his head to show respect “I just wanted to see the tree blossoms. I am… I am not doing anything wrong, my lord!” he added hastily.

“Today is not the day you’ll see these blossoms. Head back, boy.”

The man put a hand on the guard of his sword and Haise was forced to obey. Well… he half-obeyed actually. He walked far enough to make sure they wouldn’t pay him more attention. _This is one thing good about being a servant, no one pays you much attention._ He carefully went by the streamside and hid behind a huge rock. _What am I doing? I’m already late for the errands, they’ll notice it._ He sat and waited. _I’ll get into troubles if I don’t go back now._ An unknown feeling forced him to stay. He couldn’t just ignore it. He waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. It felt like a lifetime before he finally allowed himself to rise again. The men should be back in town by now. He started walking the same way but soon he realized he was in fact running. Running the fastest he could. _Something’s wrong._ He ran and ran and ran. He was short of breath and his lungs were burning like hell but he kept going. _Something’s wrong._ He suddenly stopped when he saw a shape by the stream. _I knew it. Something’s wrong._ He dashed to it and what he saw struck his heart. _A man?_ Haise kneeled by his side.

“My lord… can you... ahem hear me?”

The man was lying on his side and the blood pool staining the grass made obvious he was not okay. Haise touched his shoulder shyly but he didn’t react. And he was wet. Soaked, to be precise. His long white hair stuck on his face and his glasses were torn. _He’s beautiful…_ Haise slapped himself mentally. The man was in danger, who cared if he was beautiful or not? _But he is… beautiful._ His clothing was refined and soaked as well. It seemed obvious he had been wounded and dumped in the water to die. It seemed obvious he had gathered his last strengths to crawl out. Haise touched his neck to check his pulse. His skin was so cold it made him shiver. _He’s alive!_ Haise’s heart started to rush in his chest. _I’ve to do something, I can’t just let him die!_ Haise shook his head. _No, no. He’s a stranger. I don’t know him. Maybe he’s dangerous, maybe he’s some killer or thief or whatever…_ But the more he looked at him, the more Haise’s heart stung. _Oh no, I can’t… I just can’t!_

 

***

 

            Haise sighed. He wiped the sweat off his forehand with the back of his hand. What did he just do? First, he lied. _Saying that I had forgotten the money to pay for the errands, couldn’t I be more imaginative on that? I should just have confessed I always go downtown by an unsafe road._ Second, he brought back with him a wounded stranger. To the Shôen. The very place the emperor lived in. _‘I found him on my way back’… You’re such a good liar, Haise!_ He was lucky Akira-sama found him first and pleaded his cause. She had always been kind and understanding. Haise was like the son she never had. Even if Akira-sama was a member of the Diet, it was hard to convince the Chief Guard that this unarmed and wounded man was no potential danger. But she managed to do so. Akira-sama always managed to get what she wanted. Conditions were obviously settled: three guards posted permanently at the stranger’s door and the responsibility laid on Akira herself. Haise felt somehow guilty about it but nobody would be willing to lay the responsibility on a simple servant who wasn’t even good enough to obey the orders simply. _The entire Shôen is upside down just because of me. I’m terrible…_

“I’ll take this responsibility, Haise. If you take yours…”

“What do you mean, Akira-sama?”

“Well…” she helped Haise washing the wound on the stranger’s belly clean, Akira-sama was always willing to help in medical matters “You brought him here, the least you can do is taking care of him until he gets better, don’t you think?”

“A-Akira-sama… I’m not sure I can do it…” Haise blushed. He couldn’t say why but only thinking of it made him uncomfortable. His heart was hurting.

“Haise, look at you. You don’t even need me anymore.” She was right. He had basically taken care of the wound himself. “Excuse me, Haise, but I’ve to go back to the Diet now.”

“I… I understand. Thank you for everything, Akira-sama.”

Haise opened her the door and she went out in a gracious way. Haise closed the door and went back to the man. He covered him better with the blanket and moved few bangs of his hair away. _Who are you?_ Now he could take a better look at him, Haise couldn’t deny this man was truly beautiful. His skin was soft also and so was his hair. Everything about him was very refined. His lips… Haise’s heart started to clench in his chest. Haise’s cheeks flushed. Haise’s body shivered. _Ugh… I feel weird again, maybe I got sick._ He was rubbing his eyes when he heard the man make some noise. Haise glanced at him and saw he was frowning and sweating a bit. _He’s in pain._ Haise extended a hand to grab more water but the dish was completely empty. He got on his feet in a hurry and rushed to the well outside. He made sure the water was cool enough and almost ran inside under the strange looks of the guards. _Why do I hurry? Why doesn’t my heart stop hurting like this?_ When he got back in he almost dropped the dish on the floor when he saw the man was sit on his futon and looking around with unfocused eyes. _Oh right, the glasses aren’t still fixed._ Haise took off his shoes carefully and kneeled next to the futon. Trying to act normal but aware of his body shivering, Haise put the dish of water in his lap and started to dip a clean towel in it. He took a deep breath.

“My… My lord, you should lie down and get some rest.”

The man didn’t answer. His eyes were on Haise. Though they struggled to focus Haise understood he was somehow staring at him, maybe trying to get the features of his face. The sting in Haise’s heart was more painful. _Why do I feel so wrong when I’m next to him?_

“Pl… please, my lord, lie down, you’re still weak. Your glasses are getting repaired and…”

“I can’t stay. I’ve business on the go.”

His voice was… _Beautiful. Everything about him is so very beautiful._ Haise realized one second too late the man was trying to get up and he violently made a move to stop him. Too violently. Too briskly. He had forgotten the water dish was in his lap and spilled it over the floor. He put his hands on the man’s naked shoulders to make him lie down but slipped over the now wet floor and they both fell on the futon. _He smells good._ A hand came to cup his face and his eyes met this unfocused gaze again. Haise wasn’t a doctor but he was pretty sure the man’s heart was beating to fast in his chest. _Fever, maybe? His cheeks are a bit flushed too._

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m-I’m sorry, my lord, I just tripped and… I hope I haven’t hurt you.”

“I’m fine.”

Haise smiled in relief. He awkwardly got up and his eyes had too much time to linger on the man’s well-built body. _I never saw someone this beautiful before. He is just flawless._ The sting in the heart, again. His train of thoughts stopped. _What are you trying to tell me, my heart? Are you trying to warn me against him? Is he really a bad person?_ The man didn’t try to get up again as Haise covered him up with the blanket. He wanted to put a fresh towel on his forehead but everything was now lying on the floor. Haise picked everything up hastily.

“Sorry, my lord. I’m going to fetch some clean towels right away and…”

“I don’t need those. Stay.”

“Uh?” Haise was astonished. But as a servant he had to obey orders. So he remained by the futon. “Okay, my lord.”

“What is your name?”

“It’s Haise, my lord.”

“Please, enough of it. My name’s Arima.”

“Arima-sama, then?”

“I don’t like it.”

“Arima-dono, perhaps?”

“What about just Arima?”

“My position doesn’t allow it, Arima-dono. I’m just a servant.”

“Then Arima-dono will do. Tell me, Haise, do you know stories?”

“If you mean tales and legends from our land, I do know some, Arima-dono.”

“Tell me a story, Haise. I might fall back asleep then.”

“As you wish, Arima-dono.”

Haise put the dish aside for the second time, sat in a more comfortable position and started telling the story. His voice stammered at first but it became more confident as the story went on. Though Arima pretended to have fallen back asleep, he had actually listened to every bit of it. He didn’t even tense when Haise dared to move some bangs from his forehead. He didn’t even smile when Haise told him good night. He waited for him to be gone to finally reopen his eyes and whisper in the dark:

“You’re a very interesting boy, Haise.”


	2. Amaryllis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amaryllis: Shy

 

In the morning Haise hurried to do all the early tasks he was assigned to. _I need to make breakfast for Arima-dono._ The idea was invasive and he wasn’t sure he could make it in time. He had just finished to put the laundry to dry. He was exhausted. As punishment he was now assigned to the lowest tasks. Which meant getting up early. He yawned and headed to the kitchen hoping nobody would fetch him to do whatever that needed to be done. Luckily everything was quiet and he could start cooking for Arima. He had no idea what the man liked so he just made the usual breakfast he made when the Shôen had guests in.

“Can I have some too, Haise-kun?”

“Ah… Good morning, Akira-sama. You woke up early.”

“Indeed. The Diet is meeting early today. To discuss what to do with that stranger.”

“I see…” _Again this pain in my chest._ “Is something wrong with him?”

“Nothing wrong. But the kimono he wore was made with some precious textile from the East. Maybe he is the emissary that was sent to us.”

“That would mean…” Haise started to talk but was to absorbed by his food dressing.

“Someone doesn’t want the negotiations between the East and the capital to apply. Or the man is a usurper” the woman went on with a smile.

“Akira-sama… you shouldn’t discuss such matters with me, I’m only a servant.”

“Haise… You saved his life, we wouldn’t discuss it if it wasn’t for you. You have the right to know.”

“Still, a simple servant shouldn’t know about politics, it could be dangerous.”

“Haise…” it seemed she wanted to add something but stopped midway.

“Here, Akira-sama. I’ve baked you your favorite.”

Haise extended her her food and she took it with a smile. Haise bowed politely and went to Arima’s room after he grabbed clean clothes for the man. The guards gave him a strange look when he arrived at the door but he ignored them.

“Arima-dono, I’m coming in.”

He entered the room. Arima was awake already and sitting on his futon with his head turned towards the outside. _Is he trying to see the surroundings?_ Haise kneeled down by the futon and arranged breakfast.

“I’ve brought you food.”

“Thank you.”

Arima extended a hand to grab the rice bowl but he miscalculated and grabbed only air. He closed his eyes and sighed. Haise felt suddenly very sad at the sight. _He sees nothing._ Arima moved his hand away and rubbed his closed eyelids.

“Sorry, I really have a bad eyesight. That is… embarrassing.”

“D-Don’t apologize, Arima-dono. I’ll help you with the food, it’s no big deal. Your glasses should be fixed by the afternoon, I’ll get them for you” Haise spoke in a rush as he took in his hands both the bowl and the chopsticks.

“That’s very nice of you.”

“A-anyway you need to eat, Arima-dono.”

“Right.”

Arima opened slightly his mouth as Haise took some food with the chopsticks. Haise’s hands were trembling and his face felt very hot despite the fresh morning air. _I really must be sick._ Arima took a bite of the food. Haise’s heart started to go wild in his chest. _Is it good? Maybe it’s too warm I should have…_

“It’s really good, Haise.”

“Ah… Thank you.”

Haise was relieved. At least the food was good. He smiled and helped Arima until he ate the whole breakfast. He noticed the older man kept his eyes closed almost during the entire process, maybe his failing eyesight hurt him somehow. _He’s frowning again… Is there nothing I can do?_

“Pardon me, Arima-dono” Haise said as he extended a hand to touch his forehead “You’re hot, you may still have fever.”

“Haise…” Arima smiled “It’s not fever…” He put his hand on Haise’s forehead as well “You’re hot too.”

“Ah… B-But I’ve felt strange those days, I may be sick” Haise removed his hand from Arima but the man kept his on him “Arima-dono, your hand…” He stopped when Arima cupped his face with his hand, when he ran his fingers on each inch of his face, eye closed, really focused on his doing “Arima-dono, what are you…?”

“You have fine features, Haise” Arima finally said when he pulled away his hand “I can’t wait to see them” he reopened his eyes.

“You… you pictured me… through touching?” Haise’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Yes. My eyesight is failing. One day I’ll go blind so I just practice when I still can.”

“I… see…” _Poor choice of words, Haise._ He could feel tears in his eyes, he could feel them rolling down his cheeks. _Why does it make me so sad?_ “Is there nothing… we can do?”

“Haise, are you crying?”

“N-no…” the boy answered, wiping his tears off on his kimono’s sleeve.

“I can hear the tears in your voice” the man smiled sadly.

“It’s… it’s just so sad… one day you’ll just…” he started to sob again. _Why does it always hurt so much when we talk?_

“Haise, I…” Arima’s voice was low “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry!” Haise wiped his last tears off with determination “Could you please lie down, Arima-dono? I need to wash your wound clean before I go…”

Arima answered with a nod and lied on his back. Haise undid the bandages around his waist to reveal the wound. It was still quite deep, it didn’t seem to be infected. _This is going to take a while to heal, it’s impressive he could sit with such a wound._ Haise dipped a clean towel in pure water and started to wash the wound. Arima never made a move while he did so, neither did he shiver or tense when Haise touched his bare flesh.

“I hope it doesn’t hurt too much, Arima-dono…” Haise pressed clean clothing against the now washed wound and started to put bandages around his waist again “Otherwise I can talk to the doctor and…”

“It’s okay. I don’t really… feel pain.”

 _Oh I see._ Haise’s eyes wandered on the man’s torso. _This is why he could sit for so long._ He finished the bandage and washed his hands in the water dish. _This is why he has so many scars._ Then Haise covered him with the blanket and arranged the pillows under his head to make sure Arima was comfortable.

“You should rest now, Arima-dono.”

He gathered all the things he had brought with him but before he could get up he felt Arima’s hand gripped at his kimono’s clothing. Haise laid on him interrogative eyes and met his unfocused gaze. _Those eyes that can’t see._

“Do you really have to go, Haise?”

“I… I’ve work to do, Arima-dono. But I’ll be there in the evening.”

“It’s lonely in here where you’re not with me…”

“Arima-dono!” Haise’s cheeks flushed suddenly “I re-really have to go now…”

Arima finally let go of him and Haise literally ran out of the room. Even when he was out he kept running along the hallways, not really sure of where he was heading. He felt like crying again. This sting in his chest… _Why does it hurt so much? Why can’t I stop hurting? Why are you doing this to me, Arima-dono?_


	3. Carnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carnation: Fascination

“Arima-dono… I’m back…” Haise said as he slid the door open “And I got your glasses fixed.”

 

Haise kneeled down by the futon as Arima rose slowly but surely until he was sitting. Haise noticed he was fully dressed in the clothes he brought earlier. Then carefully the man extended a hand to grab his glasses. HIs hand touched Haise’s wrist before taking all Haise’s hand in, his fingers wandered around Haise’s before finally taking the spectacles between his thumb and his forefinger. Haise felt somehow disappointed at the loss of contact. Arima’s warm hand felt… nice against his. Despite the usual strange feeling inside his chest but Haise was starting to get used to it. He had always felt like that since he had met the man after all. Arima moved away few of his long hair to put on the glasses. He blinked several times before looking at the surroundings. And then at Haise. Their eyes met and Haise was finally happy to see those pretty eyes focused. He smiled.

 

“You’re cuter than I thought, Haise” Arima said.

 

“Ari-Arima-dono!” Haise blushed so suddenly he could almost feel his face burn “Don’t say such embarrassing things!”

 

“Haise…” Arima puts his hand back on Haise’s and the boy felt a little more at ease, a little more confident, it hurt less in his chest. _Don’t remove it, please._ “Haise, the truth shouldn’t be an embarrassing thing.”

 

Haise’s heart skipped a beat. _It is… weird. I feel weird. I don’t understand any of it. I’m warm inside and my heart hurts so much. It feels both good and wrong. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. What’s wrong with me? What’s happening to me? Why do I want to cry? Why do I want his hand to stay on mine forever?_ His limbs were trembling nervously and he didn’t dare to look at Arima in the eye.

 

“A-Anyway, Arima-dono… D-did Shiba-sensei visit you today?”

 

“Yes. He said the wound was very clean. Not infected. Very well taken care of. He was able to stitch me up.”

 

“O-Oh… good…” _So he’s valuable somehow._ Haise sighed in relief. _I did the right thing._ “That’s great, Arima-dono. You’ll be able to go out of your room if you’re careful enough.”

 

“Indeed. They need me at the Diet tomorrow morning already.”

 

“T-tomorrow?” Haise’s eyes widened and he suddenly got up “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

 

“What’s the matter, Haise?”

 

“You need to take a proper bath, with such wound you won’t have the time to do it tomorrow” Haise said as he extended a hand for Arima to take.

 

Arima grabbed Haise’s hand and got up slowly and awkwardly. His legs felt weak and he had to rely on Haise to stay up. Haise gave him a concern look but Arima took a first difficult step. And then another. And another. _Yes, we can’t do it tomorrow. He can’t rush, he’s still badly wounded. Why are the Diet members thinking about? He should stay in bed for few more days._ It felt like an eternity before they reached the onsen. Once they were in, Haise made Arima sit and started to undo his clothing. It wasn’t like it was something new to Haise. He had been Matsuri-sama’s private servant for few months. _But the man was never paying me attention, I think he despises me._ And he had helped Akira-sama several times when she asked for him. And he had showered in the same room as the other servants. This shouldn’t be a problem, really. At first, Haise thought it was the heat of the water. His entire body felt very hot, especially his cheeks. When Arima was almost naked, his hands started to shake nervously. _What’s wrong with me? I can’t go on… Maybe the room’s too hot._ He gathered his strength to keep going until the man was fully naked.

 

“Haise, you don’t have to…” Arima protested several times as Haise tied his long hair on the top of his head.

 

“It’s part of a servant’s job, Arima-dono.”

 

When he had finished with his hair, he helped Arima getting in the hot water. The man sighed when he entered the bath and made himself comfortable, closing his eyes, relaxing. Haise put Arima’s clothes and glasses aside and glanced at him. These half-open lips, the sweat drops on his face, this long silk white hair, this neck, these collarbones, shoulders, arms… hands… _It hurts._ Haise felt like his entire body was boiling. _It really hurts…_ Some parts more than others. _Why do I hurt… here?_ He could barely breathe, he was panting erratically and his entire body was so over sensitive the very friction of his kimono was barely bearable. _I’m having a crisis of some sort._ He rose up on his feet in a second. _Arima-dono mustn’t see me like this. I’m lucky he hasn’t his glasses on now._ Haise headed for the exit.

 

“A-Arima-dono, I’m going to fetch you some clean clothes, I’ll be right back!”

 

“Mmm sure, do, Haise…”

 

The clothing’s closet wasn’t far but Haise ran in the opposite direction. He ran until he found the room he usually locked himself in to cry. He slammed the door shut behind him and sat awkwardly on the floor, his back leaning against the door. _Maybe something’s wrong with the ghoul part of me…_ Haise wasn’t a fool. He knew he wasn’t human, at least not completely. He knew those so-called ghouls were cannibalistic monsters who attacked human beings with no mercy. He was alive only because Akira-sama was providing for him and backing him up. Haise had always been hated by the others in the Shôen for his hybrid nature. _They’re all going to hate me more now something’s wrong with me… with the ghoulish part of me…_ Not very sure of what he was doing, he slid his own hand inside his kimono and started to touch himself.

 

“Ah…” A small moan escaped him. _I’m over sensitive, every touch… it’s too much…_ “Aah… aah…” He couldn’t stop himself though, not now his entire hand was wrapped around his length and he was stroking himself up and down at a fast rhythm “Arr… mm… ooh…” Whatever this was it felt very wrong and yet, yet… _More… I need more!_ He flung his head against the door as he went faster on himself. _I’m sick… I… I’m so sick…_ He couldn’t take any more, his belly was too full of warmth, it was about to explode, Haise was about to explode. He kept going with his hand until his entire body tensed, his toes curled up and… “Aah… Arima… dono…” he moaned loudly as some sticky white warm fluid splattered on his hand and stomach. _Why did I call his name?_ Haise wasn’t even moving, he stared in blank, feeling completely worn out. All the strange sensations had disappeared. _Was I calling him… to save me?_

 

***

 

“Good morning, Arima-dono.”

 

“Good morning…”

 

A woman was standing before him. Her kimono was pale blue, it matched beautifully the color of her eyes and hair. Arima bowed in respect and she bowed back at him.

 

“I’m Mado Akira, a member of the Diet. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

 

“Likewise, Mado-dono.”

 

“Are you enjoying your stay at the Shôen?”

 

“It’s a great honor. Please forgive all the troubles I’m bringing you.”

 

“Troubles were here before you, troubles were here when ghouls decided to start up a revolution in the Eastern region. Anyway, the entire Diet has already gathered, please follow me inside…”


	4. Edelweiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edelweiss: Courage

 

 

The Diet was very agitated. Arima looked at all the members not really able to focus on the matter. For he already knew what was going on in the East after all. He knew the Aogiri Tree was now controlling the entire region and fighting to put a new emperor on the throne. An emperor supposed to bring peace and harmony to this country. Arima was not really sure their plan was the solution but he had said nothing. They paid him after all. And this probably was his last job, his body was tired and he had already thought about retirement. He had the means. Just where to…? The picture of Haise smiling flashed into his head. That boy was… really something. Arima couldn’t help but smiling slightly at the thought. Haise was so bad at hiding his feelings and yet unaware of their true nature. When he ran out of the onsen yesterday… _But you deserve so much better than me, Haise_.

 

“We are not able to communicate with the East anymore…” A man spoke. His name was Amon Koutarou or something like that, he was the Shôen’s Grand Priest. _And a famous ghoul hunter._ Arima assumed he didn’t know, about the Washuus.

 

“The spies we sent are all dead…” started a man with a black-bowled haircut, between the puffs he dragged from his pipe “Our last contact with the East then is… you, Arima-dono.”

 

 _Eto did well_ , Arima thought, _and being attacked has served my cause in the end. I should consider myself lucky._ His train of thoughts was interrupted by the figure of Haise, again. How lucky he was to have been found by the boy, how lucky he was to have him by his side, to have him taking care of his wounds. Arima remembered the previous day when Haise helped him get back to his room, combed his long hair, helped him lie down, tucking him to sleep before telling him a story. He remembered this morning when he saw Haise curled onto the floor next to his futon, sleeping peacefully. He remembered touching his fluffy hair and giving his temple a kiss. He remembered how Haise smiled in his sleep under his touch. He remembered… _This is impossible, I’m just here to do my job._

 

“We should organize a raid to the East, to stop the revolt before it becomes too big…” the man said before smoking on his pipe again.

 

“If I may, my lord, I don’t think this is the solution…” Arima intervened “As you said, all your spies are dead. The Diet do not know how big the enemy troupes are or how well-organized they could be. Maybe…” Arima took a deep breath. “Maybe the Diet should consider negotiating to begin with…”

 

“We do not negotiate with ghouls!” Amon spat.

 

“Amon-dono is right” a woman with pink hair intervened “Actually I also think it’s not very wise to keep the half-ghoul as your servant. It’s dangerous and you’ve already been attacked. You’re our last connection with the East, we can’t put you at risk.”

 

“The half-ghoul?” Arima asked in surprise.

 

“Haise is a half-ghoul” the bowled-haired man started again with obvious despise in his voice “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

 

Actually Arima hadn’t noticed. Strange, he was usually good at it. _My feelings blinded me. But a half-ghoul in the Shôen? How come they allowed a hybrid in such an important place? Has Haise value for the emperor in a way I don’t know?_ His heart squeezed at such thought. _And why do I feel jealous, now? I can’t afford being jealous._ Arima closed his eyes to gain some composure and put the intrusive feeling aside. _I’m just here to do my job._ This meeting bored him and he hoped Haise would be still in his room when he’d get back. _I’m just here to kill the emperor._

 

“Please, my lords…” Arima’s voice was cold and composed enough “Allow me to keep him by my side, I trust him and he has never been threatening. He took care of my wounds, he provided for my every needs. I…” _I love him._ Arima’s voice was a bit hesitant. _I can’t have you taking him away._ “With your permission, my lords, I’d like to have him as my personal servant.” Arima bowed deeply. _I’d like to have him with me._ Around him everybody started to whisper.

 

“This… creature?” Those were the very first words Arima heard Washuu Matsuri say.

 

“I guess this won’t be a problem” Akira intervened and all the whispering stopped “We all agree that Haise has always behaved well. There’s no reason he’d attack Arima-dono when he is the one who saved him in the first place. Keep him with you, I’m positive it’d do Haise good as well. And I’m positive all the members agree with me.” She looked around and all gave her an awkward but positive nod. _This woman… How come she has all that influence on the Diet?_

 

“Thank you, Mado-dono” Arima bowed again in respect.

 

***

 

            Haise woke up suddenly. _Arima-dono… The Diet! Oh no… I’m late, I... Wait, something’s wrong._ It wasn’t his futon, it wasn’t even the servants’ room. And the sheets smelt like Arima-dono. _Please don’t tell me I’ve slept in Arima-dono’s bed._ He closed his eyes again and could feel his heart racing wild. He rolled on his side all shivering and confused and he reopened his eyes only when he felt a hand in his hair, gently playing with his locks.

 

“Good morning, Haise.”

 

“I’m… sorry, Arima-dono” Haise mumbled, not daring to make a move, ashamed he had been found in a futon that wasn’t his, ashamed he didn’t his job right “I… I overslept and you missed the Diet reunion and… and I’m late for work… and… breakfast is not even ready… and…”

 

“Sssh…” Arima stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers “I went at the Diet by myself, it’s all taken care of.”

 

“What… what do you mean?”

 

Haise finally gathered the strength to turn over and face him. He saw Arima was offering him a cup of tea as well. _Wh-what?_ Haise sat on the futon and awkwardly took the cup in his hands. He muttered an awkward thank you and sipped some tea. _It’s… well done._ He drank a few more. _He got up by himself, dressed and did his hair himself. He can make tea… What kind of noble is he?_ Haise’s heart was beating so loud he could hear it. He was in pain again.

 

“Haise…”

 

Arima tilted his chin up to make Haise face him. There was a strange look in Arima’s eyes. Like something… dangerous. It made Haise shiver and his chest filled with warmth. Haise was about to apologize but Arima just smiled at him. _Oh… how beautiful._ There was something really attractive about Arima’s lips, Haise really wanted to… taste them. He lowered his eyes and sighed. _Something’s really wrong with the ghoulish part of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the AU, ghouls can drink tea instead of coffee   
> I hope you're enjoying yourself   
> Thanks for reading


	5. White Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White Rose: Innocence

__

 

_Okay, Haise..._ The boy was walking the hallways, bringing breakfast to Arima. _No silly doing, today._ It had been several days since Arima told him he was now assigned as his private servant and well, things had gotten very weird for Haise. First, his heart condition worsened, he literally felt like it was about to explode into his chest by any second. Second, the... crises. Haise was pretty sure it’d happen to him every time he took Arima to the onsen for a bath. He assumed it was because it occurred in such conditions the first time and now only induced by mechanical repetition. But he knew the way to calm himself down and he was ashamed to say he was now... good at it. He was ashamed because the clue was to think about Arima-dono’s naked body during the entire process. Anyway, should be some odd ghoul biological thing he didn’t quite understand.

Though what frightened him the most was the third thing. Once he had caught himself with his face only inches away from Arima’s. It happened when the man had fallen asleep during Haise’s evening storytelling, Haise made him comfortable, removed few bangs from his forehead, stuff like that. And then it was almost like he lost control over himself, drawing his face closer to the man, until their lips brushed. Fortunately, this small contact dragged Haise back to reality and he quickly moved away but still... _Am I hungry? Is the food Akira-sama giving me not enough now? Is it linked to the crises? It started at quite the same time... Maybe I need to eat more because of those crises... And Arima-dono is..._ Haise could feel himself blushing only thinking of him.

“Arima-dono, I’m coming in.”

Haise slid the door open. Arima was still asleep so Haise arranged breakfast on the small table. He took his time to keep his composure up. _You can do it, Haise. Breathe..._ He inhaled deeply and got closer to the futon. He was about to touch Arima’s shoulder to wake him up when he stopped. _No, no, Haise. Don’t stop._ He just looked. How beautiful he was when he was sleeping, with all that long white hair spread around his head. His face was at peace.

And his lips, half-open, pinkish and... Haise was biting his own. _No silly doing._ He ruffled nervously his own hair and played with the sleeve of his kimono. No silly doing. He inhaled deeply again and extended his hand and... the second after his lips were on Arima’s. Not just brushing, they were touching. And Haise’s body went wild. He could hear his own heart kicking against his ribcage. He could almost feel steam escaping from his body for he was too hot. His tongue went to lick quickly Arima’s lower lip and Haise felt his kakugan revealing itself. _Oh no..._ It made Haise rise up suddenly and he put his hand on his eye to hide it. _I was so close to eat him..._ His entire body shook but strangely he didn’t feel any pain or anxiety. On the contrary he was very excited, like a young child who just earned some sweets. _I’m a monster... Something like that makes me happy._ His entire body shivered.

“Hm... Haise?” Arima asked with a sleepy voice, quickly putting on his glasses to take a better look at him “Hey... hey Haise what’s wrong?”

“Pl-please...” he had to say it, he had to be strong “Arima-dono, please dispose of me...” he almost shouted, looking at him with both eyes, moving his hand away to expose his black and red pupil to full sight “I’m a... a monster... please kill me when I still can hold back...”

“Haise...” Arima sat carefully on the futon and opened his arms to pull the boy into an embrace, his movements were still a bit awkward because of the wound but more fluid already “What’s the matter, Haise? Are you hungry?” Arima opened his kimono enough to reveal his naked skin and nuzzled Haise’s face in the crook of his neck “Come on, take a bite if you’re hungry. I allow you to. I order you to. If you’re hungry, just eat.”

“Arima-dono...” Haise said as his head was pressed closer to Arima’s skin. He could feel his scent and see how tender the flesh was at this area. “I...” He put his mouth on it and tried to take a bite but ended up only biting softly. “I can’t...” He licked the skin and sucked on it intensely, Arima’s taste was really good... but he couldn’t sink his teeth into the flesh.

“Ha-Haise...”

Arima’s hand tightened in his hair and his voice sounded a little strange just now but Haise couldn’t stop and he sucked on the skin until he felt... hard between his legs. _Not again, please not now._ He moved his face away and saw he left a mark there. He was about to utter some apology when his mouth was caught by Arima’s. Arima’s lips fully put on his and Arima’s tongue forcing its way into his mouth. Haise’s mind became foggy, so foggy he couldn’t really ask himself what was that. He could only think that it felt really good. And made him feel even weirder down there. He was violently pinned onto the futon and Arima’s hands opened his kimono, wandered on his skin. His long hair rained on him, tickled him. And it felt nice. Haise wrapped his arms around Arima’s neck to bring him closer and when the man pressed onto him Haise felt he was as hard as him down there. It made him feel even hotter and reassured him at the same time. It didn’t happen only to Haise, it was... a normal thing, somehow. They parted to catch some air and Arima’s mouth kissed Haise’s jaw and neck hungrily. Arima bucked his hips harder and Haise’s back arched.

“Ah... Arima-dono...”

It felt good and painful at the same time. He wanted Arima to do more to him without knowing what _more_ meant. Haise’s hands started to remove clumsily Arima’s clothing while Arima was doing the same with his. They were soon naked and Arima massaged his back, his hips, squeezed his ass, making the boy mewled. Haise touched Arima’s torso, his back, his thighs, digging his nails into his skin when Arima found some sensitive spot. Haise was grinding faster against Arima, he couldn’t just stop. He kissed the man again, very hungrily but Arima broke the kiss quite quickly.

“W-wait, Haise. My... wound.”

Haise seemed to catch a glimpse of reality and remembered Arima was still wounded. The long-haired man sat and Haise came to settle in his lap.

“Is that okay?” he asked shyly.

“It’s good, Haise. You’re good...” Arima grunted before he wrapped his fingers around Haise’s cock with one hand, keeping the other on the boy’s back.

“Ari... ma... dono!... Aaah... I...” Haise was sure he screamed. He was sure he yelled when he felt Arima’s hard cock against his as well. He wasn’t even sure what he did when the man started to stroke them both in the firm grip of his hand “Uuaah... Arima-dono!”

Haise was about to burst. He knew this sensation way too well now. He opened his mouth to warn Arima but only moans and grunts and pants escaped him. Arima was better at it than Haise. A lot better. It felt a thousand times hotter than everything Haise could have done to calm himself. He flung his head back, maybe he cried his name out, he couldn’t say. He could only think about how good Arima’s hand felt and how beautiful Arima looked when he did that to him and whatever this was it felt like it was something he had always wanted to do with the man. He hid his face against Arima’s shoulder when he came and reality felt very distant all a sudden. Though he could still feel the hand pumping him up and down and some hot fluid splatter on his stomach. Everything stopped very suddenly. Arima was soft against him too. He gave Haise another kiss before he grabbed the first piece of clothing he found to wipe them clean. Then he made Haise lied onto the futon and wrapped his arms around him before covering them with the blanket. Arima’s body was warm and comforting and felt a bit like... _Home..._

“Arima... dono...” Haise whispers, feeling suddenly exhausted for some reason. He needed to ask, he needed to know what he didn’t understand. “Arima... dono... what was... that?” His voice was so sleepy, it was hard to keep his eyes open. It never happened before. Was it because Arima took care of him this time? He fell asleep before he could hear the answer.

“It’s love, Haise.”


	6. Purple Hyacinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Purple Hyacinth: Forgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT /!\  
> I'm going on a hiatus for the two maybe three following weeks, because of Xmas and New Year Eve with my family, stay safe everyone <33

 

Arima was spacing out. The voices of the Diet members sounded so far away. No matter how much he tried to focus, to clear his head, it was useless. He was completely out of reality, his head so full of Haise, so full of what just happened. _What did I do?_ He felt guilt, he felt remorse. Why couldn’t he control himself? Haise knew nothing about love, knew nothing about sex, and he just… _Haise, I’m so sorry._ He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose nervously. Why did he feel so confused? He already had affairs during missions, as stress-relief or to just pretend he was a regular man with regular desires and needs. But this wasn’t stress-relief. Neither was it just a need or desire. He called it love and his now confused feelings were confirming it. He wouldn’t have cared if it was just desire. But here… _I barely touched him and I already feel I’ve taken advantage of his ignorance._ He sighed. Really, Eto would laugh at him if she saw him like that. A usually cold-blooded and experimented assassin… at loss because of some servant half-ghoul boy. _A boy saved my life and smiled at me. This is how I fell in love._

 

“Arima-dono, is something wrong?” the man named Hirako asked with a polite voice.

 

“Sorry, my lords…” he pinched harder on the bridge of his nose “Must be the medicine they gave me for the pain…”

 

“Don’t apologize, Arima-dono…” Akira put softly a hand on his shoulder “So, Matsuri-sama, you really think this meeting is necessary?”

 

“It’s not about what’s necessary or not” Matsuri’s voice was cold and sharp “It’s the emperor’s personal request. He wants to meet with Arima-dono for tea.”

 

 _Eh what?_ Arima’s eyes widened with surprise. Such an opportunity, getting in the emperor’s personal quarters. So… he would finally be able to mentally map the area, to see how many guards were there, and where. Such an opportunity, to finally get all the details he was missing and needed so badly, it felt like… _A trap. Or at least a test. I can’t decline but I must be very careful._ If he was good enough he could gather all the intel he needed and then build up his strategy, do his job and leave. _Haise…_ He didn’t want to leave without Haise. Anyway… he’d have to wait for his full recovery before performing the execution. Maybe he could use that time to bond better with the boy, to tell him the truth about himself, to confess, to convince him to flee with him. _Stop… Focus on the mission. Stop dreaming. You don’t belong to his world. You belong to the shadow and Haise… Haise is the light._

 

***

 

“Please, Arima-dono, sit.”

 

The atmosphere was very formal, Arima had to be in an almost meditation state to be able to pay attention to his surroundings and to the emperor himself. Arima took a deep bow before kneeling on the cushion in front of him. The security was somehow loose but Arima wasn’t fooled, the emperor was secretly a dangerous ghoul after all. _If only I could test his ghoul power… But that’s impossible now._

 

“My lord, it’s a great honor…” he bowed his head again and his long hair brushed the floor.

He hated it, why did he have to do such stupid thing? He needed to talk to Haise, their affair couldn’t be left unsolved.

 

“Please, lift up your head…” Arima did so and their eyes met, even if everything looked polite Arima felt the tension between them. _He has doubts about me._ “It’s a great pleasure to see you’re recovering, I hope you're enjoying your stay at the Shôen.”

 

“It’s a great honor, my lord. I’m very grateful your Highness allowed me to stay in the palace.” _He’s fishing… I must choose my words carefully._

 

“I heard strange rumors, between you… and the half-ghoul…” Arima opened his mouth but Tsuneyoshi raised his hand to stop him “Don’t deny it, I know those are just things the servants and soldiers whisper to kill their boredom. But be careful, that boy may… lead you out the righteous path.”

 

Arima looked at him in the eye, taken aback. _He knows. He knows who I am and why I am here. He knows I’m aware of his true nature as well. He knows my feelings for Haise. He knows everything and wants to play with me._ Arima’s hands tensed in an almost unnoticeable way on his kimono clothing. _He wants to play._

***

 

Arima opened the door of his room a little too briskly. All his gestures were a little too briskly made for a still wounded man but he didn’t care. He felt trapped. He felt cornered. He felt… _Why have I fallen in love now I’m going for the most dangerous mission of my life?_ He noticed the room was all cleaned, the futon rolled up in some corner, a warm teacup was awaiting on the table. _Where is Haise?_ No sign of the boy though. _Where are you, Haise?_ He sat awkwardly on the floor and leaned his head back against the wall. He was shivering. _I am… afraid._ That was a first. On the previous missions Arima didn’t really care about dying. He had nobody he truly cared about, no home to return to. With this so tired body, he just hoped he could die with style. _Haise, I need you. Please, I’m so afraid._ He was pretty sure his face wasn’t showing a thing. He was pretty sure he just looked like he was lost in own thoughts. _I don’t want to die._ The sound of the rattling door brought him back to reality.

 

“A-Arima-dono, you are back.” Haise’s voice was embarrassed but he smiled at him the same way as usual. Arima gave him a sad smile but made no move and didn’t speak. “Arima-dono?” Haise’s voice was no tinged with concern. “What’s wrong?”

 

Haise kneeled next to Arima and peered at him. Arima had been so intimate, maybe too intimate, without giving any warning or explanation and here he was still looking at him with anxiety in the eyes. _I don’t deserve you, Haise._ Arima stared in those big round eyes but never spoke a word. _You’re too kind for me, I’m a murderer._ Haise slowly crawled closer to Arima and cupped his face between his hands. _Haise…_ It was clumsy but Haise gave him a small kiss on the lips. The boy was about to move away after few seconds but Arima wrapped his arms around his waist to bring him closer. They parted and Arima rested his head against Haise’s chest. This felt good, he felt good. Even better when Haise started to play with his hair.

 

“I… I don’t really understand…” Haise’s voice stammered. “My heart hurts when I’m with you but when I’m not, it’s even worse. I… I… And… i-if Arima-dono... again you want to do… such… ahem… things… to me, I’d be… I’d be so happy!”

 

“Haise…” Arima could feel the boy’s heart beat fast “Are you trying to say you love me?”

 

“I… I don’t know. What is love?”

 

“Love has no words, Haise.” Arima’s hands gripped the boy’s back firmly “Let me show you.”

 

Arima’s hand came to catch Haise’s head and draw his face closer to him. Until he caught Haise’s lips with his. He was gentle at first, before he slid his tongue between Haise’s open lips. He could feel the boy moan in the kiss and his arms held Arima closer to him. Haise didn’t kiss back but Arima expected it, he assumed Haise didn’t know how to do such things. But he did know how to tilt his head to allow Arima more space. They kissed until they needed to breathe. When they parted Arima took one of Haise’s hand and put it on his own chest.

 

“Do you feel it, Haise?”

 

“It’s weird… B-but nice…” Haise confessed, blushing. Arima’s heart was fast, Arima’s chest was warm, Arima’s skin was soft, Arima was… “I-I don’t want to stop… touching you…”

 

“This is what love is, Haise.”


	7. Cactus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cactus: Lust

                                                                   

 

“Ari-Arima-dono…” No answer. “Arima-dono?” Still nothing. “Please, Arima-dono?” Silence.

 

Haise sighed. Really, that was embarrassing. At first it sounded like a good idea, sleeping in Arima’s arms. At first he had felt warm and nice, wrapped close to the man, inhaling his scent deeply. He had even fallen asleep for a while but now he was wide awake and… _I feel weird. Again._ He knew it was something normal when you loved someone – Arima told him so – but he didn’t expect it to happen like that. In the middle of the night. When Arima was asleep. With his arms so firmly locked around Haise the boy couldn’t escape. So he called for him but that was a failure. Maybe, if he touched him… No, he didn’t know if Arima wanted to do it, bad idea. Haise decided to go in for a kiss. A kiss was a good in-between. Or he thought so. He held awkwardly onto Arima to be able to join their lips together. He felt the man tense but he was still asleep when Haise chose to go with his tongue, softly forcing his way in, catching Arima’s tongue with his. Arima tasted good. Really good. Arima’s fingers started to flicker against Haise’s back and he moaned when he woke up. Though he almost broke the kiss right after he opened his eyes.

 

“Haise, what’s the…” he got cut by another kiss. Wilder this time, eager and almost desperate. He broke this one too “Haise, easy…”

 

“I w-want… I need…” His voice almost sounded like a plea.

 

“Ssh…” Arima’s hand came to gently stroke Haise’s face “I know… but no rush, hmm?”

 

Haise nodded and Arima started to kiss his neck gently, slightly opening his kimono to touch his chest. Arima was a bit clumsy, his mind still foggy with sleep. Haise grabbed firmer on the man’s clothing. He rolled on his back and Arima was on top of him, his white hair flowing all around the boy’s face. Haise kissed him again and tried to get him naked. This seemed to fully awaken Arima who came to help those eager hands. He took his time though, wanting to make Haise understand there was no rush. Trying to make it last to enhance Haise’s pleasure. It was the first time they touched so intimately since Arima… well, had this impulse. He wasn’t really sure how far he could go but as he undressed him he felt Haise’s hardened cock poke against his thigh, making his own twitch at the contact. Haise desired him for sure but… it was his first time with a man after all, probably his very first time on the matter, so to say. Arima was gentle, he massaged his back softly, wandering his fingers on Haise’s skin. He was gentle when Haise was needy, gripping firmer on Arima’s shoulders, arching at the slightest touch. He felt the boy dig his nails into his flesh when he found some sensitive spot.

 

“N-nn… Arima-dono… where are you touching?”

 

“Must be your kakuhou, a ghoul organ. You never manifested a kagune before?” Arima’s hand stop for a second and he looked at Haise in the eye. Yes, it was where his kakuhou was, obviously. Haise’s left eye had already revealed its red and black orb.

 

“Only when I was hungry… I don’t really remember…”

 

Haise lowered his eyes in embarrassment. He hated his half-ghoul nature, why did Arima have to remind him he wasn’t human? The man tilted his head and left kisses on his jaw, under his ear… when still rubbing his fingers against that spot, when his other hand slowly wrapped around his dick to give it few pump. The stimulation was… wow. Haise couldn’t describe it. It was good, awesome, terrible, too much. He mewled and buried his face in the crook of Arima’s neck. The man’s scent of arousal was making him dizzy. He panted, moaned Arima’s name several times. His nipples were hard and hurt when Arima licked and sucked on them. He wasn’t sure he couldn’t take more.

 

“Arima… dono…” Haise whispered, his voice low with pleasure.

 

Arima removed his hand from the boy’s back to bring them to his mouth. Haise sucked on them always immediately and he had to hold back not to bite into when the man rubbed his thumb against the head of Haise’s cock. This was so much more than the previous time, Haise didn’t know things could feel… that good. Arima played with the inside of Haise’s mouth as the boy swirled his tongue around the digits. He was amazed this boy could be so hot on his first time. He withdrew his fingers from this too tempting mouth and spread Haise’s legs. The half-ghoul completely tensed when he felt Arima’s finger teasing his hole and his body shivered with apprehension.

 

“Arima-dono… not… there…”

 

“Relax, Haise…” he said softly as he pushed his finger in gently “Good, Haise, you’re doing good.”

 

The boy let escape a small cry of pain and once he was in, Arima let him adjust to the size, making them both roll on their side. Haise nuzzled against Arima. The pain soon became dull and the boy was surprised he actually needed _more_. He asked for it and even if Arima hesitated at first he started touching Haise’s insides, pushing a little deeper each time. Haise was trembling all over, his grip on Arima was really firm. He’d probably get bruises if the boy kept holding onto him that much but for what he cared…

 

“Oooh… Ari…ma-dono… More… pl-please…”

 

“Haise…”

 

Arima added another finger and Haise screamed. Unable to tell if it was out of pleasure or pain, the man started to stroke Haise’s cock more firmly. He heard him say incoherent things and it got him somehow harder. He curled his fingers up and the boy forgot how to breath for a second.

 

“Arima-dono… Aah… Arima-dono… Uaah… Ari…”

 

He kissed him and Haise’s hand wandered down his stomach until it found Arima’s cock and stroked it up and down messily. It was hot, it was really hot. He could feel Haise moan in the kiss as his inside were stretched by Arima’s fingers. Arima’s lower lip got bitten when they found Haise’s prostate. The half-ghoul squeezed Arima’s dick as a reflex and the man gasped. That felt… unexpectedly good. He leaned down to lick Haise’s collarbone as he moved his fingers inside of him with a slow yet precise rhythm. He kept stroking him as well as he could and the way his lover was trembling and mewling shown he wouldn’t last long.

 

“Arima…” Haise dropped the honorific as his mind got too clouded with lust “Arima… I can’t… I can’t! I can’t!” he yelled until he came, splattering both his belly and Arima’s with his seed.

 

“Haise… don’t stop… your hand…” Arima moaned loudly, as Haise desperately tried to lead him to his orgasm as well.

 

He climaxed as well but after he withdrew his fingers from Haise he could tell something was wrong. It wasn’t enough. For both of them. Haise kept rubbing lustfully against him as he kissed him and Arima’s hands were a little too audacious as well, squeezing Haise’s butt so obscenely. He was still aroused and he knew by the way Haise acted he still was too.

 

“Ari… Arima-dono… please…”

 

Haise was pleading. Even Haise’s eyes were pleading. Of course he’d ask for Arima to help him with it since he never did something like that before. So the man flipped him over to put Haise’s back against his torso. He started to stroke Haise again, as he hungrily bit his neck and played with his nipples as well, rubbing and pinching them. And Haise was good in his own doing, his hands on Arima’s, bucking his hips just right against Arima’s crotch, soon making him hard again. Feeling the erect member pressed against his ass made Haise beg even more, his voice already hoarse. Arima couldn’t resist that face, that voice, that pleas… and he pushed himself all inside.

 

“Aaah… Arima… dono!” Haise screamed so loud the man was now assuming there’d be complaints about it. He had made sure he was careful enough though and he felt Haise’s walls already clenching around his length “Aaa… Arima…”

 

“Haise…” he whispered in his ear before biting the earlobe gently “Haise, you’re so good…”

 

“Aaah…” the boy’s flung his head to rest it on Arima’s shoulder when the man started to thrust inside him “Aah… Arima, I love you!”

 

The following words were just an incoherent flow escaping those pretty lips. His cheeks were flushed with pleasure and the hell if he could think straight right now. He could only care about rolling his hips to match Arima’s thrusts to feel him inside, deep inside, deeper, each time deeper, closer… Haise felt so full, Haise felt complete. Haise felt…

 

“Lov… uah… rima!”

 

He was close again. What Arima gave him… No way he could describe it. Arima was close as well, touching Haise’s body erratically, completely forgetting about the pace of his thrusts. The room was filled with the sound of their bare flesh. Being inside of Haise like that… oh Arima wished it could last forever. But the knot in his stomach… No, just a little longer, a little long… Arima rested his head in the crook of Haise’s neck when he came for the second time. Haise felt warmth filling him and it was enough to bring him on the edge, to his climax and again he released himself in Arima’s hand. He was exhausted, out of reality. He barely was conscious of Arima withdrawing carefully or washing themselves clean.

 

“I love you, Arima-dono…” he managed to say as he curled over his lover’s chest once they were done “I really really love you…” he blinked and struggled not to sleep but fatigue was stronger than he was and Arima’s lips on his forehead was the last thing he actually felt before slipping into unconsciousness.

 

“I love you too, Haise.”

 


	8. Peony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peony: Bravery

                                                       

 

“Arima-dono, I still believe we should have asked for an escort.”

 

“We’re fine, Haise.”

 

Arima insisted to go downtown even if his wounds weren’t completely healed yet. Apparently he had some important business to take care of there but Haise was surprised he refused any kind of escort. Of course, Arima said things like being with Haise was enough and such and sure, Haise was pleased by those words but he couldn’t help worrying. _You’ve been attacked before. I don’t want this to happen again._ Nevertheless, Arima was very calm and composed. He was gracious when he walked down the streets and Haise was watching him for behind, unable to stop looking around in case something unusual occurred. _I’m being silly, I know. I should stop and at least enjoy the little time I have alone with Arima-dono._

 

“A-Arima-dono, where are we heading?”

 

“I’m looking for a swordsman’s shop.”

 

“B-But, Arima-dono, we passed by several ones already!”

 

“I’m looking for a very specific swordsman’s shop.”

 

 _A swordsman’s shop?_ What business could Arima have to do in such a place? Haise never saw him fight or even exercising with a sword. He saw him at the dojo, doing martial art and working out. That was an impressive thing to look at. Arima’s body was thin and yet very muscled. Arima’s moves were so fluid it was almost like he was dancing on the wooden floor of the Shôen. Haise was unable to think Arima could do harm to anyone. Not when being so beautiful in the every move he was making. Haise shook his head. _Aaah it’s not a good time to think about such things._ He was pretty sure his cheeks were flushing now. They always were walking when he started to think about how beautiful and gracious Arima could be.

 

“Haise…” the man had stopped and was looking at him “Is something the matter?”

 

“Ah! I’m sorry, Arima-dono, I just got lost in my own thinking.”

 

“I see…” Arima patted his head softly and Haise blushed even more “Be careful, mmm?”

 

“Y-yes, Arima-dono…”

 

Haise lowered his eyes in discomfort. _He’s too close in a public place. I’m wearing servant’s clothes and he has a refined kimono. He shouldn’t do such thing, people are looking at us._ They started walking again and Haise made sure to match Arima’s pace but also to keep a reasonable distance. _This is where I belong._ His behavior seemed to irritate the man who finally caught his arm to make him walk by his side. Haise was about to protest but the cold look he received made him forget about it immediately. _He doesn’t really seem to care about other people’s saying…_   Haise noticed Arima didn’t let go of his arm either, as if he knew Haise would walk away if he was set free. _But I’ve already heard Masturi-sama said bad things to him, speaking about lending him some woman if he was so desperate… things I don’t really understand… why would a woman be so important?_ He looked at him, Arima’s face was hard to read as always. But he seemed determined, he knew exactly where he was heading. He was so good-looking Haise couldn’t help smiling. _Am I really the person he needs the most?_

 

“Haise, we’ve arrived.”

 

Haise finally looked up. The shop just looked like a regular house, nothing on the building was showing it could be a swordsman’s shop. Haise was surprised and started to say it was no use to go in there, that there were probably better shops on the main avenue, that he should have asked around at the Shôen but he stopped when Arima got in with no hesitation. A white-haired and white-clothed man welcomed them. Haise bowed respectfully but Arima stood still. The stranger had half his face covered by a strange red mask. Uneasy, Haise muttered an awkward good morning but the man never answered him. Neither did he ever dare to look at him. He just stared at Arima for few seconds before he spoke.

 

“So you’re finally here…”

 

“Sorry it took so long, I’ve been followed and assaulted on my way to the Capital.”

 

“That’s a first, you’re usually more careful. Are you sure you’re not getting too old for this job?”

 

“I apologize deeply…”

 

Arima bowed and the man was about to speak again when a green-haired woman entered the room.

 

“Enough, Tatara. Nobody’s more qualified than him and you know it.”

 

Her voice was melodious and her pink kimono enhanced the peculiar color of her hair, hair dressed probably in a hurry as if the woman didn’t care about her looks. She patted Arima on the shoulder and Haise felt weird about it. _Don’t touch him_ , his heart yelled and started to race very fast again, _You have no right to touch him!_ He didn’t really understand that feeling though, so he just looked down again. She whispered things Haise couldn’t get and after a while she finally seemed to notice the boy.

 

“Oh my…! Look at what you brought, what a cute little boy!” she said, tilted Haise’s chin up to look at his face. Her smile was weird and made him feel uneasy “What’s your name, boy?”

 

“H-Haise, my lady.”

 

“Haise, uh? What a really really cute boy indeed…”

 

“Eto, that’s enough… Give me what I came for…” Arima said coldly.

 

“My, my, my… Here he goes. I told you not to call me that name, it’s Takatsuki Sen. Repeat after me: Ta-ka-tsu-ki…”

 

“Takatsuki, whatever. Give them to me.”

 

Haise started to get really lost. Who was she? Why was she so close to Arima? What was Arima even doing here in the first place? Was it why he didn’t want an escort? Was it some secret meeting? Was Arima involved into some dark and illegal activities? After all, Haise barely knew the man… His heart stung at the thought.

 

“Tatara, please go fetch Kishou’s belongings.”

 

 _Kishou?_ The man disappears into some room. Everyone stayed silent until he returned with a wrapped package. Haise couldn’t tell what it was and looked at Arima with confused eyes. But he said nothing as Arima took it. They were about to leave when the girl stopped him.

 

“Hey Kishou!” She waited for Arima to look back at her “How long do you think it’ll take? They’re getting impatient over there.”

 

“Should be done by the end of the month.”

 

“The month?” She pouted. “So long…”

 

“You know I’ve only one chance, I can’t rush it.”

 

“I know, I know… But one month doing motivational stuff is boring, Kishou, you understand? Bo-ring!”

 

Arima just sighed and left, Haise following him obediently. He wanted to ask Arima about all this, his head was confused, his heart was confused and he was sure it wasn’t a side-affect of this thing called love. Before he could voice his request, Arima took him by the arm again and started to walk faster.

 

“Haise…” his breathing was short and heavy “Haise, do you know some quiet place? Haise, I’ve something important to tell you.”


	9. Red Tulip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red Tulip: Trust

                                                                

 

They were lying in the grass, cuddling. Arima watched the clouds pass by in the sky. Haise wasn’t sure if he was really looking at them because he had taken off his glasses and put them next to this mysterious package. Haise was curled against him, playing with his long white hair. It was always so soft and nice to touch, smoothing somehow. Or maybe Haise was just too much in love.

 

“Haise…” Arima said as he rubbed his now closed eyes. “Haise, can you keep a secret?”

 

“Sure, Arima-dono.”

 

There was an awkward silence before the man started to explain.

 

“I lied.” He paused for a while. “I am not the man sent by the Eastern governor. I killed this man and tried to fool everybody into thinking I was him. But I’m no ambassador.” He sat up, silenced Haise with a gesture of his hand. “Don’t ask anything, Haise. Please, just listen. I didn’t lie to you about my name, in fact I never lied to you…” Arima put his glasses back on, grabbed the package and started to unfold its content. “I want you to know me, Haise.”

 

Arima undid completely the clothing and put on the grass two splendid swords. One was black, the other white. Arima told him the black one was named Ixa, and the white Narukami. They looked so beautiful and… deadly. _A bit like Arima-dono himself._ Haise wasn’t afraid, Haise wasn’t even angry at the man, as if he had suspected he wasn’t who he pretended to be. _Well, I must say I never saw a noble care so much about the servants to the points of sparring them some tasks before…_ Without a word, Haise took the black one in his hands, very carefully. It was heavier than he thought.

 

“So… you are… some kind of… samurai, Arima-dono?”

 

“I’m a mercenary… I’m hired to kill…” Arima said calmly as he took his sword back from Haise “I don’t take sides, I just do the job for whom hires me. I know it’s not a moral job…” He paused as he wrapped his swords up again. “But this is how I was raised… I know nothing else…” He paused few seconds. “Haise, I hope you don’t hate me now.”

 

“Nh-uh…” Haise shook his head “I don’t know why I should be afraid. I saw guards kill intruders and ghouls before. Ah! I even saw Akira-sama and Amon-sama fight against ghouls once… They’re strong, you know.”

 

“They look like they are, honestly.”

 

In fact, everyone in the Diet looked pretty strong and able to defeat high-ranked ghouls by themselves. Strangely, Haise seemed to know more about them than Arima thought. Maybe he should ask him about their abilities and such but wouldn’t it be too suspicious? Haise trusted him, that was obvious but Arima felt like abusing his trust by asking too many things. So Haise watched ghouls get killed? How twisted these people could be? The boy didn’t seem to be traumatized but still… That was wrong. He was even looking at him with the smile for a moment. Then he seemed to realize something. He talked with noticeable panic.

 

“Ah! But… Ari-Arima-dono, are you here… to kill someone?”

 

“I…” Arima expected this question, obviously. He was some assassin after all “Yes, I am.”

 

“Do I… know them?” The panic in his tone had increased. Of course, he was afraid Arima could kill someone he cared about.

 

“Don’t worry. I don’t think you’ll be pained by their death.”

 

“Re-really?”

 

“Yes.” Arima cupped the boy’s cheeks in his hand and gave his lips a peck. “I would never do something that could hurt you…”

 

But Haise was tensed when they kissed. How silly, it was too silly to doubt him just for that. Of course he had killed, but Akira-sama too. And he trusted Akira-sama as if she were his mother. So why couldn’t he trust Arima-dono, despite the true-nature of his job? Because they were so close? Because of _love_? He wanted to trust Arima so he silenced that silly feeling. But it was here. It was deep here. _I’m in love with a dangerous man. Maybe this man has been hired to kill me._ Haise broke the kiss, it was too much… thinking those kind of things while they were doing such intimate things, what was wrong with him? Arima had told him he was a hired assassin, he trusted Haise enough! Because Haise could turn him in by any second! Not that he would, of course… not that he would.

 

“Haise, what’s wrong, honey?” Arima’s voice was so composed. And the man had always been so nice. And so very beautiful. Especially now with his slight sad smile “Do I frighten you?”

 

“It’s…” Haise curled onto the man’s chest and gripped firmly at his clothing “It’s you… and it’s not you that I’m frightened of. I just… realized I don’t know you at all… I’ve saved a man, I fell in love with a man and in the end… this man… kills for a living… not that I care but… even those people we saw today, I don’t know about them… I don’t know anything, Arima-dono!”

 

“Sssh…” Arima patted his head softly “It’s okay, it’s perfectly normal… We met each other not so long ago…”

 

“This woman... Eto or something…” Haise could feel the tears coming up his eyes, a throat tightened, why was it like this again? Love? But love in all the tales he heard was something so beautiful and pleasant to feel. Love was when they kissed, cuddled, even more… This wasn’t love, this couldn’t be love.

 

“Don’t worry about her…”

 

“She called you Kishou. Is it… your name?” Tears rolled down his cheeks. Was love supposed to hurt? The tales said nothing about that…

 

“It’s my first name…” Arima wiped gently Haise’s tears with the back of his hand “I didn’t want to hide this from you but you know, I must be careful… I already give the Diet my real name… Because I could have never lied to you… you looked at me with such eyes…”

Arima softly tilted Haise’s chin to look at him “I was already in love with you…”

 

“Arima… no, Kishou-dono… I…” Haise wrapped his arms tighter around Arima’s waist “I love you so much… I’m afraid we could be…”

 

“We’ll be together until the end, Haise.” Arima’s voice was so calm and gentle “It’s a promise…”

 

He wrapped his arms around the boy as he took a look at the tree blossoms. _I’ll take you with me, you’ll be free._ He kissed him on the top of the head and felt Haise tighten his grip on him even more. _I’ll kill the emperor. I’ll be free. This is my last job._ He closed his eyes. The air was cold against his skin but Haise was warm enough. This place was so beautiful and silent and empty of people. Quiet, indeed. Haise was full of surprise.

 

_“A quiet place? I’ll… show my secret garden then…”_

_Haise… how beautiful it is, your secret garden…_


	10. Hydrangea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hydrangea: Pride

                                               

 

Arima was training in the dôjô. He had been careful with his body for so long he felt a little rusty. He stretched and meditated a bit before starting to move. He didn’t bring in his swords, he didn’t want for anyone to find them. They were the Grim Reaper’s weapons, he was pretty sure they were rumors about them already. The Reaper was quite a legend after all, a mysterious assassin who killed and disappeared in the shadows. Some said he wasn’t even human, not even a ghoul, just a creature from the abyss lurking in the dark, waiting for his prey. People’s beliefs… Arima moved a little faster, his body really seemed… slow. But Haise wasn’t around, no one was around. He could use this time to perform his techniques. His greatest fear was to become weak. _Because now I have somebody to protect._ He closed his eyes and Haise’s smiling face flashed into his mind. _Falling in love, uh?_ Arima smiled as he fought against an invisible opponent, his hands moving quickly into the air.

 

“Arima-dono! Arima-dono!”

 

He was interrupted by some servant calling from him. It was a boy with mid-long deep green hair, his skin was tanned and he had an eye-patch. His voice betrayed an incredible shyness and an overwhelming panic. He wore the servant black kimono just like Haise. He seemed younger though. Arima had never seen him before.

 

“What is it?” the man stopped, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

 

“We’re under attack, my lord. They are… ghouls. Please, you must hide.”

 

“Ghouls…” Arima lowered his eyes. _Eto… She said she’d target the Washuus to force them reveal their abilities._ He rubbed his chin with his fingers. _But it’s too early, this woman never listens._ “Where is Haise?”

 

“He’s… doing your laundry… but sir, you must…”

 

He didn’t wait for the boy to finish his sentence and dashed to the laundry room. _Haise…_ He needed to protect him, he was obvious the half-ghoul didn’t really know how to use his powers, being a servant his entire life… Of course he hadn’t been allowed to develop his abilities. _I need to protect him, Eto can be… really harsh sometimes._ He heard a huge commotion outside and also voices. Akira’s, Amon’s, Ui’s… Three powerful persons and they seemed to have such a hard time. _No doubt, it’s Eto’s doing._ He hissed. _Silly woman, I can handle myself._ He finally reached the room where Haise was taking care of Arima’s clothing as if everything was perfectly normal.

 

“Haise!” Arima almost yelled and briskly took the boy into his arms “You’re safe…”

 

“Arima-dono…” the boy smiled softly, nervously playing with the wet kimono he had still in his hands “Don’t worry, this kind of thing happens quite often.”

 

“Quite often?” Haise seemed so relaxed about it, Arima’s eyes widened.

 

“This is the Shôen after all…” Haise detached himself from the man to rinse the kimono “Since the beginning of the Eastern rebellion we had been attacked a lot. But Akira-sama and the others always killed the ghouls, so you don’t have to worry.”

 

“Haise, I…”

 

His voice was cut by a bigger commotion outside. People screamed. Akira’s voice was angry, perhaps a little panicked. Some other voices Arima didn’t know. _I have to help them before Eto eats them all. They’re innocent people. I’m just here for the Washuus._ He clenched his fists. Arima hated killing. He was doing this job because he was raised this way, he was part of some sect since he was a boy. They left him no choice. It was killing or being killed. Arima wanted to live, was it wrong? So he did as they asked. He killed, he killed, he killed. Until his mind learnt how to get blank, his heart to get cold, his body to get efficient. But Eto… As far as he could remember, Eto had always enjoyed the killing. And her ghoul form was quite impressive. Arima grinded his teeth. _I need to stop her._

 

“This monster is heading for the emperor’s private room. We need to stop her!”

 

 _I need…_ Arima mumbled some incoherent things and dashed out of the room. Haise was so surprised he dropped his work and followed him. Arima was heading for his room, he needed his swords.

 

“Haise, don’t follow me! You need to stay safe!”

 

“But… Arima-dono, it’s dangerous, I must protect you” the boy’s voice was shy.

 

“Protect me?” Arima slid open the door of his room and went directly to take his swords out of his closet. He put them at his side before he went back to Haise. He cupped the boy’s cheeks in both his hands and looked at him in the eyes. _You’re beautiful, Haise. You must live._ “Don’t be silly, you can’t even summon your kagune at will. Stay safe. I’ll be right back.”

 

Arima kissed him messily before he left. He ran out. Of course, Eto was in her full ghoul form. She was huge, a real monster. Arima hissed and ran to her. _I must stop her, Haise is in danger._ Those were silly thoughts. She wasn’t targeting Haise but the Washuus. But Arima had a bad feeling, he remembered how she looked at Haise, as if there was something about the boy she knew and never told Arima. _A half-ghoul in the Shôen…_ That was definitely a strange thing, but it wasn’t like Eto was willing to share her knowledge. At least not for free. _I told her not to target the Shôen, silly woman._ Of course, it was the best way to make the Washuus reveal their ghoul nature but… _I’ve a bad feeling about this._ Arima jumped in front of her and took his swords out. He was ready to fight and to fight for real. His eyebrows were frowned. Eto laughed. That was a scary laughter.

 

“Look at yoooou ~” She tried to crush Arima with one of her hand but he dodged “You’re getting old, Kishou-kun.”

 

Arima cursed, he was afraid someone could hear her. They fought a little longer, Eto attacking, Arima dodging, unable to strike back for she let him no time to rest. No sign of the Washuus. This seemed to be a complete failure. Arima jumped closer to her.

 

“It’s no use, stop” he said.

 

Eto just laughed and took few steps backwards. _I don’t understand._ Her huge body aimed for the building and it was hard for Arima to force her to back away. She was alone. And so strong. And Arima had no back up. _Mado-dono, Amon-dono, Ui-dono… I hope they’re fine._

 

“Eto, that’s enough” he whispered “I told you not to do it.”

 

“Look at you, ordering me around! Give me the boy and I’ll go away.”

 

“The boy?” _Haise!_

 

Arima flinched for a second and she took advantage of it. She disarmed him and pinned him onto the floor. _Shit…_ Arima knew she wouldn’t kill him, they needed him for the mission after all. But he didn’t understand. _So she isn’t here for the Washuus? She is not here to help me collecting data? Of course, not. She’s Eto after all. Why does she want Haise? And why did she look for Haise in the emperor’s building?_ Arima’s mind was overwhelmed by all his thinking. He tried to fight back but with his bare hands it was no use. _I need to protect Haise._ He managed to free himself and rushed for IXA first. He dodged several of Eto’s attacks but he started to get tired. She tricked him and when his hand wrapped around IXA’s guard he saw her but too late. _I can’t dodge!_ He closed his eyes. He wasn’t even panicking. Strangely, he was so calm. The blow never reached him though.

 

“Arima… Arima-dono… are you okay?”

 

_Haise?_


	11. Bluebell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluebell: Grateful

                                                           

 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Arima reopened his eyes, Haise was here standing in front of him. The back of his kimono was all tear up and his kagune was released. It was a beautiful kagune, swirling around in the air. His kagugan was visible also but he could sill read concern and love in those eyes. Arima smiled. _Haise, silly… I told you to stay safe._ He was about to say something but was cut by Eto’s mad laughter. It was so loud he bet the entire town heard her. People were running all around. The members of the Diet gathered around them. Akira, Ui and Amon seemed wounded but their wounds didn’t look too bad. _Weird,_ Arima thought, _I don’t understand why Eto let them alive._ Arima grabbed firmly IXA again and took advantage of the overall confusion to grab Narukami as well.

 

“Hahahahaha… Perfect… You’re perfect! My dear child, my sweet sweet child!”

 

Eto was going mad again but Arima didn’t really pay attention. He knew Eto often acted crazy during battles to frighten people even more. The girl was twisted and liked playing around. Arima had always found her manners too childish for a respected poetess but he had never confronted her about it. He raised up his swords, ready to attack but Haise came in front of him. He extended his arms, visibly trying to protect Arima against any potential blow. _Stupid! I can handle myself!_

 

“You’re so perfect just like I thooought!” Eto was almost singing. Something was wrong about what she said.

 

“What do you mean?” Arima hissed. _What do you want with Haise? Leave him alone._

 

“Fufufufufu, you’ll understand quite soon… A-ri-ma-kun!”

 

She moved around her arm and Haise jumped back. Arima warded off but he wasn’t her target. _Haise… why? He’s just a half-ghoul._ Even if half-ghouls were a rare phenomenon, there was nothing to make such a fuss about. The boy had worked here his entire life and his power was nothing extraordinary. He could use his kagune but he lacked of strength. Of course, the people in the Shôen might keep him underfed to have control over him in case he decided to attack humans. It repulsed Arima but he had to admit this was pure logic. _It’s not pure logic. There’s a half-ghoul in the Shôen. No one told you why._

 

“I don’t understand…” Haise’s voice was trembling and he looked at everybody around him with questioning eyes “What’s so special with me?”

 

“You’re a sweet one, aren’t you?” Eto said as she jumped on the Shôen’s roof “So so so sweet” she laughed again “We’ll meet again, my dear Haise~”

 

She jumped off and disappeared in the night before somebody could make a move to stop her.

 

***

 

“I just require that you all calm down so we could think about the situation.”

 

Yoshitoki’s voice was extremely composed and he sipped some of his tea. The Diet had gathered for an emergency meeting and even the Washuus were here. The three of them. Arima was summoned as well but decided just to listen for the time being. Maybe he’d learn something useful. And at least he could watch the Washuus act, that was a plus. Even the emperor himself was present. It was probably the biggest crisis this Shôen encountered since a long time after all. A ghoul came through its defense and attacked few people. She left only because she chose to but everyone was well aware she could have easily slaughter everybody if she wanted to. _Probably not the Washuus… But they don’t know about their true nature, I assume._ Arima was surprised Haise wasn’t present. A servant had nothing to do in the Diet but still… _This is all about him._

 

“We should have never taken care of this creature before, I knew it was going to end badly, I told you about that before…”

 

“Matsuri, that’s enough” Yoshitoki’s voice was chanting but his eyes deadly “We talked about it back then and made a decision, there is no need to criticize it now. What is done is done, we should focus on the present situation.”

 

“What’s so special with Haise?” Arima intervened for the first time since the beginning of the meeting.

 

He could feel all their eyes staring at him. As if they knew a secret he wasn’t supposed to be aware of. He had gotten close with Haise and this situation probably embarrassed them, he knew that. Especially since now everybody was more or less aware they were in a relationship, or at least having sex. _I should have been more careful. No… I should have never let this happen to begin with._ Arima hated himself sometimes. A half-ghoul with a murderer, what was he thinking about? Did he really think that could work? There was an awkward silence. Nobody seemed to be willing to explain.

 

“He’s a half-ghoul…” Akira spoke up quietly “As you may know the power of half-ghouls is way superior to the one of regular ghouls. We promised his mother we’d keep him safe but we’re also afraid he might be turned into a weapon for the rebellion. Haise has a huge potential… too huge.”

 

“His mother?” Arima asked. _That sounds fake. I don’t know why. Why would they lie to me? Because I’m a stranger? Or because I’m sharing his bed?_

 

“Sasaki-dono was a Diet member for so long. She died of exhaustion, she was always working too much.”

 

 _Wait, wait, wait… something’s wrong. If his mother was a Diet member, how came Haise is now a servant? He should be of a better rank!_ But Arima never voiced it, he didn’t want to make these people more suspicious about him already.

 

“I see…” he simply said “and what about his father?”

 

“We don’t know” Akira went on “Sasaki-dono never told us, she might have been ashamed of it. He was probably a ghoul, or Haise wouldn’t be a hybrid.”

 

“I see…” he repeated.

 

 _It’s tricky. I feel like they’re not telling me everything. His mother was part of the Diet? Seems true enough… But his father? Weird they allowed a woman raising a child alone…_ He shook his head. He should ask Haise later, that was the safest option. But he had to admit he was afraid. He was really in love with the boy. And everybody seemed to want him in their camp for… some reason? Haise’s potential ghoul power maybe?

 

“Thank you for telling me, Mado-dono” Arima bowed his head slightly. 

“So… what about the current situation?” Ui lazily asked as he smoked on his pipe.

 

“We do not know where these ghouls hide, or even if they’re linked somehow to Aogiri” Amon stated calmly “I think we just must keep a close eye on Haise. This ghoul obviously said they’ll come back for him after all.”

 

_Yes, why Haise?_

 

“I’ll do it” Arima firmly answered “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

 

“I’d prefer you don’t” Yoshitoki said with a still charming voice “After all you two are being… _close_ ” the way he said it sounded so dangerous Arima shivered “You could become reckless, if something were to happen, don’t you think?”

 

“Yoshitoki-sama…” Arima whispered “My feelings won’t get in the way.”

 

“Still… Hirako-dono will assist you, Haise and him always had a good relationship, I don’t think he’d mind” Yoshitoki sipped more of his tea “I’m sorry to ruin your… _intimacy_ ” Despise, again “But we cannot let those ghouls turn Haise into a weapon, don’t you agree?”

 

 _Sure, you can still pretend you care about him._ Arima didn’t really know Hirako. The guy was always so quiet during the meetings, never speaking a word, always looking at his hands. He guessed he would do. Anyway, it wasn’t like he had any choice to begin with. Maybe Hirako’s presence would help him understand better the situation, maybe he’d learn more about Haise.

 

“I completely agree, my lord.”

 

_Sorry, Haise. But I really need to know._


	12. Jasmine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasmine (Friendly)

“Hirako-dono!”

 

Haise didn’t quite understand. Why Hirako was here? Couldn’t Arima keep an eye on Haise by himself? Or maybe didn’t the Diet members trust him enough? Anyway, Haise liked it when Hirako was here, he liked the man. He was mostly expressionless but he had always been gentle and caring with Haise, having him removed from Matsuri’s service to assign him to the Shôen’s upkeep. He was also the one bringing him food when Akira-sama wasn’t available.

 

“Haise…” There was a ghost of smile on Hirako’s lips “I’m glad you’re doing well.”

 

“Likewise… How is your dog?”

 

“Fine.”

 

Arima was looking at them. Haise seemed so relaxed, just chatting and pouring some tea. The smile he had on… Arima needed to protect this smile. He sipped softly the content of the cup Haise just handed him. If he weren’t so nervous he could almost enjoy it. _What does Eto want from you? What does everybody want from you? Haise… who are you?_ He realized he didn’t know him either. Haise didn’t know Arima and Arima didn’t know Haise. Arima knew he had feelings though, he didn’t need to know the boy’s past for that but… that wasn’t fair. He wanted to know everything about the boy. He wanted…

 

“Arima-dono?” Hirako’s voice dragged him back to reality.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Despite what the Washuus said, I won’t interfere with your intimacy. If Haise and you want to be… alone, I’ll just step aside. Don’t hesitate to tell me, I don’t feel offended by your feelings.”

 

“Hirako-dono…” Haise was looking down, blushing “Thank you.”

 

“Thank you” Arima said as well.

 

***

 

The more Haise looked at him, the more he felt he was in love. He looked at him as he was giving Hirako advice. The men looked close already and it had been only three days. They were spending their days together, except for when Arima wanted to be alone with Haise. They even sparred together now. And Haise was looking at them. Arima was truly pure grace when he was fighting. The glow in his eyes. The white hair floating all around him. His movements, like a deadly dance. Hirako was good as well, they were probably at the same level. Haise felt a bit jealous. He didn’t know how to fight. He didn’t even know how to summon his kagune at will. He too wanted to dance like that with Arima. He looked down, holding tight on Arima’s kimono he was keeping against his chest. He knew he should have folded it and put it aside but the scent… the scent… Haise nuzzled the clothing. Arima-dono had always smelt so sweet.

 

“Time out!” Arima shouted, his fingers pointing deadly at Hirako’s throat “You were late by by 1.3 seconds, Hirako…” He added as he moved away.

 

“Impressive…” Hirako wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand “Your fighting style is quite unique, I must say… and probably very effective. In which dôjô where you teached?”

 

“I… It’s family tradition, I can’t reveal it” Arima looked down. Really, he could have done better than that. He knew names of dôjô in the East, he could have come up with one. But he didn’t know why he couldn’t lie to Hirako. He didn’t even want to. It was silly and dangerous but he trusted the man. _I’ve softened, I guess._ Arima smiled.

 

“Were you raised as a shinobi?” Hirako sat not so far from Haise to meditate “That could explain why you always aim to kill, during fights.”

 

“I…” Arima’s eyes widened and he brought his glasses up the bridge of his nose nervously. _I’ve let my guard down, this is a first. Have I softened that much? I need to retire._ “I…”

 

“It’s okay” Hirako talked with a very calm voice “You don’t need to tell _me_ but you should come up with something for the Diet. Or at least the Washuus. I’ve heard them talk about you and they’re suspicious already. They keep you alive only because you’re their only contact with the East. But they don’t trust you. They may have not asked you about this but the two swords you had the other day…”

 

“I understand” Arima cut him, pushing his glasses up again “Thank you for telling me.”

 

Haise was nervous. They knew about Arima? He shook his head. No way. They could have doubts but they couldn’t really know the truth, right? He wasn’t threatening, no way they could think he was here to murder someone. The thought only was enough to make Haise shiver. He didn’t want to see Arima murder anybody. But it was his job, right? What he lived for, right? Haise wanted to flee with him, away from the Shôen. But that would mean far from Hirako-dono and Akira-sama as well. And from all those young servants he had taken under his wing… _But Arima-dono, I really really love you._

“Arima-dono…” Hirako was looking at the tatami when he spoke “There are people I’d like you to meet, would you mind?”

 

Arima raised an eyebrow. This could be dangerous, he knew it. But he didn’t have any bad feeling in his guts. He felt pretty relaxed despite everything. He unleashed his long hair which fell around his face like a silver rain. He closed his eyes and sighed.

 

“Yes, I’ll come.”

 

***

“Do you know who Hirako wants me to meet?”

 

“No idea” Haise said as he washed Arima’s long hair carefully. This hair was so soft and pure, he could play with it for hours straight without getting bored. Arima seemed to like it, somehow. His eyes were closed and he had a slight smile on his lips. His cheeks slightly flushed because of the warmth of the room. _He’s beautiful, really._ Haise smiled too.

“But I know Hirako-dono goes often downtown.”

 

“Mmm I see…” Arima said nothing more as Haise rinsed his hair and combed it carefully, he was purring a bit. Haise’s hands were so caring, it felt nice. It felt like a long time since he hadn’t been taken care of this way. Since he was… a child, perhaps. He couldn’t really remember having been touched, except for when he fought and killed, except for when he used his body to gather information. He sighed.

“Haise, do you trust him?”

 

“Hirako, you mean?” Haise was now trying to make a decent pony tail with Arima’s wet hair and was pretty much struggling with it.

 

“Yes, Hirako…” Arima put his hands on Haise’s “Here, twist the hair this way, it’d be easier” he said as he helped him with his hair.

 

“Ah! Thank you!” Haise said as he finally succeeded to arrange it “Yes, I trust Hirako. He seems a little cold and distant but he has a pure heart. I guess it’s safe for you to meet these people. He won’t play some tricks on you.”

 

“Thank you, Haise.”

 

“Uhu, it’s nothing, let me wash your back now” Haise said as he grabbed some bath sponge.

 

“Haise… Take a bath with me” Arima whispered as he felt the boy rub his back.

 

“Arima-dono…” he blushed “Don’t be silly, I’m a servant. I don’t bath with the masters in the onsen.”

 

“You could still bath with me… As my lover, not my servant.”

 

Haise stayed silent for a little while as he washed Arima’s pale skin. Of course he wanted to. It seemed like a lifetime away, the last time he had taken a bath in the water of a hot spring. _Since mother died, actually. Since I’m a servant._ He loved Arima but he couldn’t agree. He was a servant now. He had taken oath to be kind and gentle and obedient to the Washuus until he died, in exchange for food and a relative freedom. _I must respect the rules or they’ll kill me. I’m a ghoul after all, I shouldn’t even be alive. I’m grateful to the Washuus for keeping me alive._ That was a lie and he knew it. _They killed my mother, they killed my father. But I want to live, live, live!_ He was barely aware his movements had stopped now. He was staring in blank. His teeth were clinched.

 

“Haise, what’s wrong?” Arima’s voice betrayed concern.

“Nothing, Arima-dono” he wiped off his tears of anger quickly “I still can’t accept, I remain a servant after all.”

 

_I still can’t accept because I want to live to spend more time with you._


	13. Red Spider Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never to meet again, Lost Memories

Arima was hugging him. A little too tight but Haise didn’t care. He knew he shouldn’t sleep here, in Arima’s room. In Arima’s bed. Not now, when Hirako was with them. He had apologized deeply but apparently Yoshitoki asked him to even spend the nights by their sides. Though he usually took a long walk at night and came back very early in the morning. Haise assumed he was discreetly going back to his own room, when nobody could see him, so he could let Arima and Haise have some privacy. He was about to leave soon, Haise could tell. He never said a word before he left. He just folded his futon under the small table and stood up, being careful with the door when he closed it behind him. Haise heard Arima sigh with relief. He immediately gripped on Haise’s clothing to pull him into a needy kiss. _Ah… Arima-dono._ Haise closed his eyes and opened his mouth wide. Arima’s taste was like a sweet explosion on his tongue. He clung onto the man even more. But something was wrong about the kiss. It tasted bitter, somehow. Haise broke it.

 

“Kishou-dono…” he cupped the man’s face, it was wet. _He’s crying…_ Haise’s heart squeezed in his chest “Kishou-dono… what’s wrong?” His voice was trembling a little.

 

“Ah…” Arima touched his cheek as well. He hadn’t realized he was crying. It happened sometimes and… “I’m sorry” he whispered with a broken voice.

 

“Kishou…” Haise dropped the honorific. He wanted to do something. He didn’t know what. How could he reassure this man? What to do? “KIshou… I love you” he shyly tried.

 

Arima hugged him closer, nuzzling Haise’s neck, his hands gripping the tighter they could at the boy’s clothing. Haise kept repeating he loved him and stroked his hair until he felt the man relax a bit. _Kishou, why?_ He wanted to cry as well but shook his head. He had to be strong a little more. Kishou needed him. He had to be the strong one.

 

“I’m afraid…” Arima finally managed to say with a weird voice, it sounded wet and broken “I really am afraid. Because I don’t know what they want, Haise. I don’t even know you. How am I supposed to protect you, if I don’t even know you?”

 

“Kishou…” Haise felt guilty suddenly. Why was Kishou thinking he had to protect him? Haise could handle himself, he never wanted to give the man he loved such worries. And, and, and… he didn’t know Arima either, and he loved him all the same, so there was no problem, right? _No problem._ “Kishou, I love you.” He had so much to say but those were the only words leaving his lips.

 

“I know Haise, I’m not mad at you or anything. I’m just afraid… All my life I have killed. I saw my parents so rarely I can’t even remember their faces. I don’t even know if they’re alive or dead on a mission. I was part of a very occult group specialized in the training of assassins. I was one the best. I had to. The weak ones were killed. I hated it, I always hated it. To kill, to take lives… Eto was there too. This group wants to exploit both human and ghoul abilities. When I received my order, I didn’t care about anything, I had become very cold through the years to protect myself. This is my last mission and after they said I’d be free. In fact, they’re getting rid of me. Because of my eyes. This was fine, I was ready to die on that mission. And I met you and everything was bright again and my heart wasn’t so cold anymore and… I don’t want to die anymore, Haise. I want to protect you. I’m tired of killing. I want to protect.”

 

That was a long speech, Arima was exhausted. It probably was years since he spoke so many words in such a short time. But he had to. He needed to tell Haise. That was probably selfish of him but he told him everything. Haise was stunned. Arima’s words had frozen him still. All his body was tensed. He felt warm in his chest. _Is this love? I want him to never let go of me. I want to protect him as well._ Haise understood. This was Arima’s last job and he needed to do it well to be free. Haise was ready to help. And to help he had to tell about himself, right? _That’s the problem…_ He trembled.

 

“Kishou… to protect me, you need to know me, that’s right?”

 

“Yes, Haise. I need to know why you’re so important to them. But it’s fine, you don’t have to tell me your secrets. I don’t want to force you.”

 

“Nnn, it’s okay, Kishou… It’s just that I… don’t remember.”

 

“You don’t remember?” Arima’s eyes widened “What do you mean, Haise?”

 

“I can’t remember… my father. I can’t partially remember the face of my mother. She wears a pale green kimono, in my memories. Sometimes there are flashes of the past going through my head, but I mostly can’t remember what happened before… before…” his body had started to shake again.

 

“Haise, calm down, you don’t have to tell me if it’s painful, you don’t have to live that again” Arima was the one rubbing Haise’s back now.

 

“I’m okay… I can’t really remember it, so it’s not very painful. It’s just my body… every time I think of it… my eyes… and my kagune… they’re out and… my mother was killed, you know. They say… they say I was the one eating her” Haise hissed of pain, Arima could feel he was restraining his kagune from going out despite his command “I’m sure I haven’t eaten her… They lie… I have no proof… but they lie…”

 

“Ssshh… Haise, it’s enough, don’t push yourself too hard. I want you to come back to me in one piece, Haise” Arima tried to hide the concern in his voice. He wasn’t quite good at it though.

 

“There was so much blood… I didn’t eat her, you have to…”

 

“I trust you, Haise. I trust you” The boy seemed to relax when Arima said those words “I’m grateful you told me this and I trust you” He wasn’t shivering anymore, he was even feeling pretty warm under his touch. “I trust you…” Arima said again “because I love you.”

 

They shifted. Arima was lying on his back now and Haise curled onto his chest. Arima carefully wrapped an arm around him. They said nothing for a while. Arima seemed to be lost in deep thinking. _I did good, you did good, Haise._ The boy was focusing on his breathing. Slow, deep. Slow, deep. It helped him keep his calm. _You did good, Haise, you had no crisis this time, even if you thought about ‘it’._ Arima’s scent, Arima’s warmth, Arima’s touch… Everything about the man was very reassuring. Haise smiled. _I hope I helped. My lost memories make me useless, somehow…_

 

“Kishou-dono…” Haise was always very polite when he was insecure “Are you feeling okay, now?”

 

“Yes. Sorry I’ve worried you. I needed to say those things to you. I…” he paused, he had lost his words “Thank you for trusting me.”

 

“It’s fine…” Haise ran his fingers on Arima’s clothed chest “I didn’t say much anyway…” He caught some of Arima’s hair and swirled it around his finger.

 

“It’s a lot already. You told me more than any Diet member ever did.”

 

“It’s because they don’t know…” Haise’s voice was a whisper again.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“They don’t know. The Washuus know. The Diet doesn’t. Don’t ask me why, I can’t tell you. But I know.”

 

“Haise, I…” That was so confused, what was Haise trying to say?

 

“The Diet doesn’t even know I’ve no memories before _it_ happened. But the Washuus know. And I know. It’s deep in me somewhere, I don’t really want to look for it but for you, Arima-dono, I’d give it a try.”

 

“Haise, you don’t have to!” Arima almost yelled.

 

“I have to. If I get to understand what’s so important about me, it’d be easier for you to get rid of this mission. And you’d be free. So I need to do it. Because I love you.”

 

“Haise, I… Ahem… Ah…”

 

Arima had no words. Haise looks at him, smiled and kissed him. They kissed and kissed and kissed. They could barely breathe but they didn’t care. They wouldn’t let go, never, never, never, never!

 

_There was so much blood and you heard a scream in the background… She wore a pale green kimono. His grin… aah…_

_It wasn’t me._

 

Haise kissed Arima even more, embracing the memory as he embraced his lover. He could do it, but that would be no fun. He had to embrace pain as well. But he could do it. For Kishou. He could.

 

_Blood, warm blood, all over yourself, all over your face. Your lips… You ate her, sick monster!_

_It wasn’t me._

_I wasn’t me._

_It_

_wasn't_

_me_

_._

_._

_._


	14. Pink Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pink rose: trust, confidence

“Aaah… wake up.”

 

Haise gave his cheeks small slaps. His mind was so foggy he couldn’t wake up no matter how much tea he drank. Yesterday was a bad idea, he was silly to think it could have worked. _Well, one can’t always success at their first attempt…_ He had embraced his memories, indeed. He had sunk into them as he held and kissed Arima but everything turned wrong. The blood… He was able to remember only the blood. Ah, he could remember everything about it though. How warm it was on his skin, the scent, even the taste… He had nightmares all night and Arima slept badly because of him. He felt guilty about it.

 

“Wake up, Haise!”

 

He was trying his best, as he folded their futons back in the closet. He was so slow today, he wouldn’t be ready in time to go downtown with Hirako and Arima. He yawned again. He felt cold. He felt warm. He had still a knot in his stomach and it was like he still could taste blood on his tongue. _I’m being silly…_ The blood, there was a terrible amount of blood. Blood. Blood everywhere. He didn’t know a human being could lose so much blood. He shook his head. _Stop!_ He couldn’t help it. The nightmare was playing in loop in his head.

 

_You’re swimming into the pool of your mother’s blood. It’s all over your body. It’s warm, it stinks. It doesn’t taste so bad… A hand on your shoulder, you turn around… His grin._

_It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!_

He shivered again and wrapped his arms around himself. Who was the man back then? He could only remember the grin… That deadly grin… _Someone killed my mother and they put the blame on me._ Haise tried his best to swallow his anxiety and think clear. He was so lost in deep thinking he startled when he felt Arima hugging him from behind.

 

“Hey…” His hair rained around Haise’s face, so pure, so white, so soft… Sometimes Arima just looked like one of those spirits from the tales, as if he were not really human “Don’t think about it. You’re fine and safe now.”

 

“Yes” Haise put his hands on Arima’s. It was enough to make him feel better. It was still hard to focus but well… Arima was here at least. He wasn’t alone “I love you, Arima-dono.”

 

“You…” Arima gave him a small peck on the temple “I love you a thousand more.”

 

“Only a thousand?” Haise faked disappointment and smiled.

 

Arima just flipped him around and kissed him in return. Haise hooked his arms around his neck. _Oh how much I love you, Kishou. It’s beyond words._ Arima’s taste was really amazing. Powerful. It erased the remains of nightmare in Haise. The knot in his stomach loosened. And he felt warm. Arima’s warmth. He felt good. He felt loved. He felt safe. _Those memories belong to the past. I’ve nothing to fear. I’m safe now._

 

***

 

Haise loved going downtown. It did him good, to see all those unknown faces, to see them smile or tinged with concern. Sometimes some persons were in a hurry. Downtown was so full of life, contrary to the calm Shôen. And it was quite pleasant to look at Hirako and Arima walking, saying no words, undisturbed. Hirako was leading them… somewhere. Haise felt somehow excited and curious about the people they were about to meet. Hirako said practically nothing about them, only this was a secret meeting. Well, Haise didn’t care very much about it though, as if he’d say anything to the Washuus or the Diet members. Even to Akira… Akira was like his mom but he kept a lot of things from her, just not to worry her. She was caring too much about everybody. Haise remembered when he went with her to help when an orphanage had been attacked by ghouls. The way she acted around those kids… As if she had always regretted not to have children on her own. _Maybe one day_ , Haise gripped nervously on his kimono, _If only Amon-sama could stop acting so formal around you…_

 

“Haise, this way…”

 

He was dragged back to reality by Hirako’s voice. They were taking a narrow street. Haise looked around. He didn’t know this neighborhood. It looked like a disreputable one, the type in which you could end up attacked for few coins. Haise wasn’t really afraid though. He was a half-ghoul after all. He started to be proud of it, of this power that could allow him to protect Arima. Speaking of Arima, the man had both his swords at his side, as if he had foreseen they could be facing potential danger.

 

“Here…” Hirako pointed out a sordid little house. Maybe a restaurant, Haise couldn’t tell. It smelt like food… vaguely. “I’ll come first, to introduce you.”

 

Hirako disappeared in the strange building and Haise took a look at Arima. The man seemed emotionless as always. Haise thought back about what Arima just told him last night, that it was just a way to protect his self. That he hated killing. Haise hoped all this could be over very soon. He closed his eyes and sighed. _Really, I hate murder as well but… if only Arima could… kill whoever he had to kill, so he’ll be done with it forever._ He just wanted the man to be happy, he just wanted this murder to be his last. _I want you to have a normal life. A normal and happy life. With me. Is it too much to ask? Is it selfish of me?_ He hadn’t the time to figure out an answer, Hirako was already opening the door for them.

 

“Please, come in. They’re willing to meet you.”

 

Arima just nodded and walked in. Haise followed, his heart beating in expectation. Inside it was darker than he thought and there was no client. People were gathered in a corner, kneeled around a small table and having some tea. Their kimono were dark grey and it took Haise some time to realize they were in fact kids. And probably younger than himself. But they seemed so serious and… dangerous. There was something in their eyes. Something Arima had in his eyes as well… The sparkle of a murderer. He shivered and hated himself for having such reaction.

 

“Haise…”

 

He felt Arima grab his hand gently to lead him to those people, maybe he noticed how insecure Haise was. _They’re kids… Arima-dono…_ He looked at him as they were calmly entering the room. Hirako stayed right behind them and Haise could feel his reassuring gaze on him. _Were you like that as well, when you were young? Did you look so… deadly?_ He saw Arima bow and introduce himself and remembered he had to do the same.

 

“I-I’m Sasaki Haise, pleased to meet you.”

 

An awkward silence followed. Haise kept his head down in respect. He knew his place, they had taught him well. He remembered how Yoshitoki or Matsuri sometimes made him stay like that for minutes straight just to “teach” him respect. He could feel rage taking over him already just by remembering it. _Haise, calm down_ , he told himself _, Haise those aren’t the Washuus, those are just a bunch of kids, Hirako’s kids. You trust Hirako, right?_

 

“Please, rise” one of the kids spoke and Haise was stricken by how young and yet cold the voice sounded.

 

The kids had all stood up and was perfectly aligned. A thrill went down Haise’s spine. They looked like soldiers. Underground soldiers. Too young soldiers. One of them took a step forward.

 

“Arima-dono, Sasaki-dono, welcome. We are Zero.”


	15. Primrose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Primrose: Despair

“Don’t you find it a little strange?”

 

“What?”

 

“Haise saved a man and it’s the ambassador we were waiting for since weeks?”

 

“It’s quite strange indeed, but sometimes fate does strange things.”

 

“I had Furuta investigate on him.”

 

“Furuta? Was it necessary to come to such extremes?”

 

“I assume so. He came up with an interesting story.”

 

“What story?”

 

“The Reaper met with Zero.”

 

“Zero? So they are… And Haise met with them too, I assume?”

 

“Yes, he did.”

 

“Are we in trouble?”

 

“Far from it. But we should get Haise back… just to be sure.”

 

“I’m taking care of it, you can count on me.”

 

***

 

Haise just came back from downtown. He wasn’t supposed to go for errands anymore but he really wanted to buy tea for Arima by himself. He knew it was silly… and childish. But Haise really liked this cherry-flavored green tea and knew where to find the best in town. He just wanted to share it with Arima. _The things we do for love…_ He was probably smiling like an idiot when he crossed the Shôen’s gates, holding the little box in his hands as if it were some treasure. He thought about his kids. Mustuki, Saiko, Urie, Shirazu… He had neglected them lately. He was being selfish. _But I’ve taught them all I know, they can handle themselves._ And he was Arima-dono’s personal servant now and all his kids had been assigned to some Diet member or so as well. They still crossed paths in the hallways but it was long gone, the time they looked like an actual family. _Though Saiko still calls me Mama…_ He shook his head. No time for nostalgia. He had to make tea for Arima-dono. And Hirako-dono as well.

 

“I’m coming in.”

 

He slid the door open. Nobody was in the room. Good, that would be more of a surprise then. He took out some teapot and put it on the small table. He was about to open the tea box when somebody burst into the room. Urie. He looked really worried. That was a first. Haise’s heart stopped beating for a second. He was imagining the worst already. Arima, his kids, Akira, Hirako… He tried to stop thinking. But his hands dropped the box and tea leaves scattered on the floor. The room smelt like cherry blossom. He swallowed with difficulty. He needed to know. The blood. He was remembering his mother’s blood. He tried to stand up but felt dizzy.

 

“Urie… what’s happening?” his voice was trembling, his lower lip quivering. _Don’t tell me Arima-dono’s purpose has been discovered._

 

“It’s Shirazu…” It was hard for Urie to talk.

 

Haise just realized now the boy’s kimono was covered with blood. _No!_ Not Shirazu, the boy had a sister to take care of. She was so sick Haise never got to see her. Shirazu was working hard to provide for her. The Shôen threatened to get rid of her several times, claiming she was useless. But Shirazu had worked harder each time to prove the he could work for two. When he was promoted as Chief of the Shôen Guard, Haise was so proud. It used to be Urie’s job so the boys nearly fought about it but Urie had quickly understood being Matsuri’s personal bodyguard would serve his ambitions best. Though Urie cared about Shirazu, even if he always pretended not to. He was on the verge of tears now. Haise managed to hug him despite being so much in shock. The boy tensed. He wasn’t the hugging type. But he didn’t push Haise away.

 

“He got… he got attacked… by a ghoul” Urie’s voice sounded dangerous “He’s alive but… Shiba-sensei isn’t sure he’s gonna make it. I couldn’t… I couldn’t do anything… I’m still weak!”

 

“It’s not your fault, Urie. You did your best. Shirazu is alive. I bet you provided him a good care when you found him. He’s alive thanks to you.”

 

“I didn’t… find him… or help him…” Urie’s hands gripped on Haise’s clothing nervously “Yoshitoki-sama was already there when I arrived.”

 

“Yoshitoki?”

 

Something felt wrong. Haise couldn’t understand why but he suddenly felt very sick. _Why was the emperor’s son here in the first place?_

 

***

 

Shirazu was in pretty bad shape. It hurt Haise’s heart. But he was alive. Breathing with difficulty but still alive. Haise felt terrible. _I’m a bad parent._ He had neglected his kids and now one of them was dying. Nobody saw the ghoul who did it so they assumed it was that monster from before. The Diet had gathered anyway, Haise could hear their angry voices from here. None of them was Arima’s or Hirako’s. Haise softly took Shirazu’s hand in his.

 

“I’m sorry” he whispered “I should have been there for you.”

 

He was being selfish again… but he really needed to be hugged by Arima right now. He waited by Shirazu’s side for what seemed a lifetime. The meeting was never ending. Haise had become really numb. He thought about the tea he wanted to make. Maybe it wouldn’t be too late if they went out now. He was really tired. He needed to rest. A voice caught him off-guard.

 

“Haise” Ui. Why Ui? Where was Arima? “Haise, the meeting has come to an end.”

 

“Ah I see…” he really was tired. He wanted everything to be over so he could go back and sleep wrapped into Arima’s arms.

 

“So…” Ui’s voice was composed, sometimes cut by the smoke puffs he was blowing around “Urie has been named Chief of the Guard again” Just as expected.

“And since you have shown us a true desire to protect humans despite being…” he never said it though, he just paused “Well, you have been assigned as the Washuus’ servant again. They say they need you. As a weapon to protect themselves. And you know the servant’s job as well. One stone, two birds.” Ui smoked on his pipe again.

 

“Wh-what?” Haise’s eyes widened with fear. _No. Not Matsuri. Not again._ The man had treated him like trash the entire time he served him, ordering him around to do things that made no sense. Just to humiliate him. And Arima… who would take care of him? Who would help him washing his hair or putting his kimono on? Who would cook his meals and make his tea? Him! It had to be him!

“I… I can’t serve Matsuri again.”

 

“You won’t serve him personally, but the Washuu family. You’ll stay in their quarters and watch over them. All of them.”

 

“I… can’t…” _Arima-dono._

 

“Haise, please. You know what will happen if you disobey. You took an oath.”

 

Yes, he knew. He’d be killed. He took that oath in order to survive. He had no pride in it. The oath to obey the Washuus in exchange for food, a place to stay… and the right to stay alive as a half-ghoul. He was disgusted by his own self. He felt sick again. First, Shirazu and now… this! As if they had planned everything to have him back in their nest. _This is war_ , Haise thought, _This is war so get up and fight._

“I understand” Haise’s voice was very low and he got up, a dangerous glare in his eyes.

 

_I understand. I must destroy you from within or it will never stop._


	16. Kamchatka fritillary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kamchatka fritillary : Curse

There was tea scattered on the floor. It smelt like cherry blossoms. Arima looked at in in blank. _Haise._ Haise went to buy tea for him. And now it was all scattered on the floor. Arima kneeled to clean it up already. The smell was strong. Arima’s heart clenched in his chest. Why did this have to happen? Why now? _Because we met with Zero._ This was very obvious to him. They met with those kids few days prior and now it was just the biggest mess ever. One of Haise’s… relatives attacked, all the Shôen’s structure reorganized, Haise weaponized. Haise weaponized. Haise… weaponized. His hands were trembling when he put the tea leaves back into the small box. He couldn’t… he just couldn’t. He had a bad feeling about all this. Such a bad feeling. He felt Hirako’s firm hand on his shoulder.

 

“It’ll be alright, don’t worry about him. He was raised here after all.”

 

Hirako tried to sound comforting but Arima noticed his voice was quivering somehow. Of course. He was the one who introduced them to Zero. Even Arima had heard of this group when he was still in the East. It was the main opposition group in the entire country. Though Arima was far from believing they were all… kids. Hirako had stood aside the entire meeting, apparently their kids were plotting everything on their own, Hirako was just… a contact within the Shôen estate. Arima shouldn’t be surprised. Nobody would actually suspect kids to conspire against the power in place. But they knew already… right? Somebody knew, this was why all this was happening, right? _Haise._ Arima was really afraid to know his lover was currently stepping into the devil’s nest.

 

“He knows how to behave around them, you can stop worrying.”

 

Stop worrying? Yes, he should thank the man for trying to comfort him but right now he could just focus on putting the tea – the tea Haise bought for him! – back in the box. He was right, it wasn’t the first time Haise was confronted to the Washuus. But the Washuus were ghouls, did Hirako know that? Yes, he probably did. This was why he got involved with Zero in the first place… or maybe he just hated the way they were running this country? No, Zero was aware of the Washuus’ true nature. It was obvious, their knowledge pervaded their conversation. _You’re being silly, Kishou._ He couldn’t think straight anymore. He was too worried. Way too worried.

 

“S-Sorry, it was all so sudden and…”

 

“Yes, I know. It was sudden for me as well. But it’s pure logic. Haise has… potential.”

 

“Potential, indeed…” Arima couldn’t forget how the boy easily deflected Eto’s blow. And Eto always aimed to kill. _His power is still immature though. He could become really dangerous, in the wrong hands…_

 

Arima shivered even more and his hands were so trembling when he tried to close the box. Hirako put his hands on his to help him with it.

 

“Have faith, Arima-dono.”

 

Faith, right. He should trust Haise. This is why he refused to have another servant, despite how much Yoshitoki insisted. He even said it could be a _woman_ if he preferred it this way… How insulting! Arima clenched his teeth. _I love you, Haise. Nobody else will ever take care of me, I won’t allow that. I’d rather take care of myself alone!_ Faith, he must have faith…

 

***

 

Haise was annoyed. Really. He couldn’t understand what that fuss was all about. It had been like what? Three days? Yes, three days since he had been assigned to the Washuus’ quarters again and honestly there were just regular things to do. No danger in sight. Ui-dono had made it sound so serious he thought he had to provide for the Washuus all the time but he was just… doing servant stuff all day. Of course all the other servants had been dismissed for ‘security reasons’ (bullshit) so Haise had to do everything on his own. He was really busy. Getting up early, going to be late. Yoshitoki must have done it on purpose. So they knew he would be busy and not… doing _things_ with Arima-dono. He had heard the man had refused any servant, and Haise’s heart had warmed at such thought. _You silly… Of course you can handle yourself but still… This is not a big deal._ That was a lie. Of course it was a big deal. Haise missed Arima, their everyday interactions. He wanted to check on Shirazu as well but he was just allowed to hear the daily report on his state, meaning somebody, Matsuri-sama’s wife, Iyo-sama most of the time, told him he was “fine”. _And they expect me to believe it?_ He was washing some clothes now, Tsuneyoshi’s, Yoshitoki’s, Matsuri’s… he was disgusted to have to touch their stuff again. _I took an oath._

 

“I took an oath…” he whispered to himself as he rubbed the clothing hard "An oath. I took an oath! A fucking oath!”

 

He was so angry at himself. He had just proved how useless he could be. He even managed to be taken away from Arima. He rubbed the fabric harder. He would have torn the thing up if some hand didn’t stop him by catching his wrist.

 

“This poor kimono has nothing to do with it, Haise.”

 

He looked up. Arima. When did he…? Haise opened his mouth to say something but was immediately silenced by Arima’s lips on his. _You shouldn’t be here._ He dropped the kimono he was holding and ran his wet hands into Arima’s hair. He freed the man’s hair. Haise liked it when it tickled his skin. _This is dangerous, if we get caught._ But he couldn’t really think and his back hit the floor. _I miss you, oh I really miss you._ Arima’s glasses were cold against his skin. When they deepened the kiss, Haise noticed the man tasted like cherry. _Ah! The tea…_ He felt hot suddenly. He gripped more on his lover when he felt hands undressing him. _We really shouldn’t…_ But Arima’s hands on his skin, and soon Arima’s burning skin against his skin, how could he say no? _I want you so much! I love you._ It was hard to breathe and he had to break the kiss. He moaned when Arima sucked on his neck. He tried to be quiet though. Arima’s hair was like a silky rain over him. A pure white silky rain.

 

“I love you…” Haise whispered and he tensed when a finger was pressed into him. Arima was needy, he was needy. It felt like a lifetime since they had such a connection.

 

The man was saying nothing though, just touching, playing with Haise’s insides so good the boy had to put a hand on his mouth not to scream. This was good, this was too good. Another finger inside of him. And then another. Haise bit into his own hand. It healed quite soon. Hand around his dick. His toes curled. _I love you too much… I’d kill for you._ Arima was slow and caring when he pushed himself in. _This!_ Haise mewled. Arima slowly removed Haise’s hand from his mouth and leaned down for a quick kiss as he started to move his hips. They soon found a pace and Haise was…

 

“Ki…shou…” he whispered with a hoarse voice, flinging his head back, his nails entering Arima’s skin “Aah… I… I…”

 

“I love you, Haise.”

 

The man tilted his face to look at him in the eyes but his glasses were all foggy. _Can you see me?_ Haise thought about removing them from his face but he was sure the man liked it better when they were on. At least he could see Haise… a bit. Their faces were close though, Arima was holding him very close, moving, pushing, deeper, deeper, until he found that point that made Haise’s voice die in his throat when he tried to say his name. Again, and again, hitting that spot. Haise’s belly was about to explode again. He was too full. He wished he could hold it in forever. This feeling, this man… this man was… too good for him. _I really really love you._ He clung onto his lover even more when he came, covering both their stomach with white seed. He was completely in bliss when he felt Arima released himself in him. The sensation, though, was very much real. They stood still a little while when they were done, both panting hard. Arima tried to look at him but his glasses were even more foggy. Haise played with his long hair again and again. He kissed the man as well. When Arima tried to pull out, Haise put a hand on his hip to make it stop. _Please stay in me a little while._ He didn’t have to say it. Arima understood. He took off his glasses, closed his eyes and kissed him back even more tenderly.

 

***

 

He got scolded by Matsuri when he came back late. But really… Haise couldn’t care. Arima had always the power to make him so happy nothing else mattered. He should really wipe this goofy smile from his face, Matsuri was yelling at him after all. But Arima-dono… Arima’s words were echoing in his head and he wasn’t really willing to put an end to it.

 

_‘You may be their servant. But you remain my lover, Haise.’_

He should stop smiling like that, really. He was just pissing Matsuri off. Though he couldn’t hear a single word of what he was saying. He was listening to Arima instead.

 

_‘You’re mine… And mine only.’_


	17. Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy: Faith

“Ari… Arima-dono.”

 

Haise closed the door behind him and took a deep bow. Arima was surprised, to say the least. He could barely hide his confusion. What was Haise doing in his room? Wasn’t he supposed to do some work for the Washuus whatsoever? Anyway he was very pleased to see him and his first reaction was to wrap his arms around the boy. Though Haise was trembling all over. Was something wrong? Did something happen to him? He cupped the boy’s cheek in his hand, softly. Haise kept his eyes down though, even when he kissed him on the lips.

 

“Arima-dono…” he blushed “The Washuus have sent me to fetch you. They’ve required a meeting.”

 

“I see…”

 

He kissed him again, a little more. They were pushing him too far. Testing his loyalty like this, it made Arima want to throw his fists at them. Of course he couldn’t do such thing. It would endanger his lover more than anything else. They had probably asked to fetch him right away too. So they couldn’t spend some time together. _Smart, indeed._ How bad Arima hated them. And Haise tasted like fear.

 

“I suppose we mustn’t keep them waiting then.”

 

“Pl-please, Arima-dono…” Haise was uneasy. Did they threaten him? “They said right now…”

 

“Let’s go then.”

 

He followed Haise outside. He noticed how the boy kept a reasonable distance between the two of them, acting like the servant he was supposed to be, not like the lover he truly was. He said nothing, he understood completely. That was hard for Haise, even if Arima often went to see him in secret, to kiss him, to offer him a cup of tea, sometimes more if he managed to find the time. _It’s coming to an end, Haise. It’ll be over soon, you won’t have to worry anymore._ Why a meeting? The Washuus were truly unreadable persons, but it was such an opportunity Arima wasn’t willing to waste.

 

“Haise…” he couldn’t help himself and caught the boy’s hand in his “Haise, listen to me.”

 

“What is it, Arima-dono? We shouldn’t…”

 

“Just listen” he cut him “It’s important.”

 

“O-Okay.”

 

“They…” Arima took a deep breath, there was the hard part “They are probably going to press you to take one side. Pick theirs. Make them believe you’ll be true to your oath in any situation.”

 

“But… but, Arima-dono, I don’t want to…”

 

“I know, Haise, I know. But I need an ally on the inside. I can’t do it alone, you know. I need you… to gain their trust. Haise, can you do that for me?”

 

“Arima-dono…” Haise was afraid to understand “Do you mean you’re here to…” he couldn’t say the word so openly, he was too afraid “To… to them?”

 

“Yes. I’m here for them.” Arima didn’t know why his heart hurt that much in his chest, he should trust Haise enough. But he also was too aware of what he was asking him.

 

“I… understand. I’ll do it. Just tell me… what do you want me to do. I’ll do anything for you, you know. I just want you… to rest, finally.”

 

“Listen to me, Haise. It’s quite simple.”

 

***

 

A dangerous atmosphere was pervading the room. All the Washuus were here. Haise stood aside the entire time, just filling their cups of tea as soon as they got empty while they were all being polite to each other. False praising, true preying. Haise couldn’t tell who was the predator and who was the prey. His hands were shaking a little, he hoped this could pass for nervousness. After all, his lover was in the room. _Come on, Haise. There’s no way they know. Or Arima would have been executed already._

 

“Arima-dono…” There were no words to describe Yoshitoki’s voice. It always sent a thrill down Haise’s spine. “We might need you… to do a job for us.”

 

A job? That was truly unexpected. Haise thought they wanted to draw information from him or something like that. That sounded so dangerous he was begging Arima not to accept it on the inside. He almost dropped his teapot in confusion. But the long-haired man kept his head down. He was saying nothing, bowing in respect, being polite. Waiting for Yoshitoki to go on and explain. He knew it was obviously a trap. Protesting would change nothing. It was a bit of his fault after all. He drew his weapons at Eto, he shown them he could fight, he shown them how dangerous he could be. And Arima remembered how Tsuneyoshi was willing to _play_.

 

“We have received information concerning the monster that attacked us last time. Would you mind…?”

 

“My, my… why don’t you stop this nonsense and just tell him you’re sending him to a certain death?” a voice suddenly came to interrupt Yoshitoki’s explanation “Oh no… don’t tell me I just ruined it!”

Arima looked to the door. A man was standing here, he wore a rich kimono. His hair was all black and he had a mole under his eye. He was smiling but that wasn’t actually a pleasant smile. Arima wasn’t sure he ever saw him before but… his only presence was really invasive.

 

“Furuta… what are you doing here?” Matsuri spat, obviously angry.

 

“My, my… I thought this was a _Washuu_ reunion so I just came to join. You’re having all the fun without me, as always!”

 

“Stupid brat!”

 

The man just smirked, looking at Arima. Everyone was feeling very tensed. Awkward silence laid upon them for few minutes. Haise was hugging the teapot awkwardly. Everything was so confused. But Tsuneyoshi spoke again and explained to Arima where and when to meet with the people holding the information, as if Furuta never intervened. Arima just looked at Haise in concern. He had told him how to act but now this man had stepped on stage… He regretted everything he had said to Haise, everything. Furuta could destroy them both, he felt it in his bones. Of course he accepted the job. The reunion had been enough of a mess already, no need to arouse more suspicion. And when he went to the door he saw Haise ask Yoshitoki if they might have a word together. _Haise, don’t do it, I was wrong._ He couldn’t. He still needed an ally within the devil’s nest. He left the room, Furuta followed him.

 

***

 

“Why are you following me? Haven’t you made enough of a fuss, already?”

 

“How rude…” Furuta scratched the back of his head “I’ve saved your ass… Reaper.”

 

“What did you just say?” Arima had just slammed him onto the closest wall. He should have kept his composure, if Furuta had doubts, they were long gone now. _Silly!_

 

“Fufu… Easy boy, I won’t say anything to anyone” his smile went bigger “We could work together, you know…”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“The same thing as you, Reaper.”

 

“Stop calling me that!” Arima spoke between clenched teeth, he was so close to snap his neck “Who do you serve?”

 

“I only serve my interests.”

 

“Don’t make me ask again. What do you want?”

 

“Let’s talk somewhere more private, shall we?”

 

Arima understood he had basically no choice. And speaking so openly like that… They could get caught. He didn’t really trust the man. But he knew who Arima was and that was dangerous. Maybe they could come up with some deal so he won’t reveal his true identity. He was pretty sure Tsuneyoshi knew but still… This mission was taking too long already, he could use another ally. Even as twisted and slippery as this one. They walked in silence. Furuta’s room was really aside from the Washuus’ quarters. And was a mess. Like a complete mess. He didn’t evn apologize about it and sat on the… futon? Arima didn’t really want to figure out.

 

“Well, well, Reaper… We’re more at ease, what do you think?”

 

“I told you not to call me that…”

 

“That’s a shame. It suits you so well! It might have taken years to build this strong name. And help. I hope you thanked Eto good for all her hard work.”

 

“E… to?” How did he know about her too? Who was this man? Why did Arima feel like he knew actually a lot more than what he was telling the Washuus? Was it a spy? “Who the fuck are you?”

 

“The old man’s illegitimate son. Souta Washuu-Furuta” He smirked even more “Don’t think I’m close to the Washuus because of my blood. I hate them. I want them _gone_. Do you get me, _Reaper_? I’m not an enemy.”

 

“But you are not an ally either” Arima was being careful. How would it serve Furuta’s interests to help him kill the Washuus?

 

“Touché! I just hoped we could start… a partnership?” He touched Arima’s arm and the man shivered “I know, I know… what’s the point?” He was obviously overdoing it but Arima chose not to pay it much attention, Eto was a bit like that as well “But the Washuus threaten my position as king of the underworld, they know too much about me.”

 

“King of the underworld?” That could explain a lot actually, especially about his knowledge “I thought you wanted the power for yourself…”

 

“Oh no, no, no. We already have somebody perfect to play that part!”

 

“Who?”

 

“My, my, my… I thought you were a clever one!”


	18. Erica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica: Solitude

The cherry blossom parade?”

 

“Y-yes, we’re getting prepared for it.”

 

“Already…”

 

Haise looked down. It was this late already, he didn’t remember having spent that much of a time in the Washuus’ estate. Or maybe time had flied by since Arima-dono appeared. _Yes, a lot happened. I didn’t realize so much time had passed._ He blushed a little as he thought of the man. He was looking into Yoshitoki’s wardrobe for a kimono the man could wear for the ceremony. He had to remember what he was wearing last year. It was something blue, wasn’t it? Maybe a pale pink kimono could do? _Arima-dono would look great in pale pink._ He shook his head. He assumed he was missing the man too much for his own good. _It’s almost over._ But if only he could touch him, if only he could kiss him, if only he could bury his face against his clothing and get intoxicated with the man’s scent.

 

***

 

“Hirako, where are we going?”

 

There was no answer. Hirako was walking quickly, dragging Arima by the arm. The man tried to follow his best but it turned out Hirako could be quite quick when he wanted to. Arima thought they should be heading for Zero’s shelter or some secret place he didn’t really want to speak about but still… Arima wished he could have caught a glimpse of Haise before they left. Not having contact with the boy was hard lately. He knew it was for the best if Haise refused to see him and focused on pleasing every Washuus’ order. _You must show them they can trust you. We need their trust._ But really, sometimes he just wished he could sneak into Haise’s room and spend the night here.

 

“We’re almost here.”

 

Hirako’s voice was firm but trembling a bit. Though it was very faint Arima was able to notice it. The man was afraid, of course they were planning something big and it wasn’t just mere talking anymore. It was happening for real. Hirako let go of Arima’s sleeve and had reduced his speed. Arima was surprised the street was quite a crowded one this time. He understood why Zero had to change their meeting spots all the time but it was the very first time it was that exposed. They entered some tea dealer shop.

 

“Good morning, sorry to bother you.” Hirako bowed and spoke politely. Arima bowed next to him, remaining silent.

 

“Good morning, sirs. What can I get you?” A girl asked.

 

“Smoked tea.”

 

“Ah…” her eyes widened somehow as she heard the password “How smoked?”

 

“Slightly… It’s for a friend.”

 

“This way, please.”

 

She led them to some tiny room aside. The Zero kids were already here, having some tea and silent as always. Arima led on them a tender look. He felt close to them for some reason, they reminded him of the time he had spent training to become an assassin. All their hard labor was written all over their faces. But at the same time they were so caring. Arima wondered how they managed to do both, how they succeeded to plan an assassination and be able to show Arima such… love? It should be love in a way, they were hugging him, asking him for advice he felt a bit like Haise towards those young servants he taught. Though Arima never taught those kids anything. At least not as much as Haise taught his children. _Children…_ Arima blushed at his own thinking _Does it make him a father? Does it make me… a father?_  

 

“Arima-san!” A kid said joyfully as he rushed to wrap his arms around Arima’s waist “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too” Arima patted him gently on the head and looked at the others “All of you.”

 

“You adopted them quite quickly” Hirako chuckled.

 

“Hirako-san!” The kid let go of Arima to run to Hirako “Where is Haise-san?”

 

“Haise won’t come today” Arima said with a sad voice. He had to fight hard the urge to cry. He felt like an eternity since the last time he hugged the half-ghoul close.

 

“Oh, why so?” The kids looked disappointed. They liked Haise as well. Arima had often caught himself thinking they almost looked like a family when they were all together like that. But Haise wasn’t here today. Did it make them less of a family then?

 

“Haise is doing his job on the inside. He can’t leave the Shôen that easily anymore. He’s serving the Washuus now, I… barely have contact with him, to keep the operation safe.”

 

He was trembling, keeping his composure up was hard those days. This kind of thing never happened to him before, maybe it was time for retirement after all. _Haise._ He could barely focus on his objective, to be honest. He couldn’t think of anything clearly. Was Haise okay? Were the Washuus treating him right? Wasn’t he tired from all this work they were giving him? Was he eating enough? Was he safe, surrounded by all those ghouls? He knew he was being ridiculous. Haise had lived in the Shôen years before Arima even entered his life. He even had been Matsuri’s personal servant, he sure knew how to behave around such dangerous people. He sure knew this better than Arima himself. Still… The cherry blossom parade was approaching and he felt like Haise was too exposed for his own good.

 

“You’re doing good, Arima.”

 

Hirako’s firm hand gripped his shoulder and brought him back to reality. Right. He shouldn’t let his mind wander like this. Wasn’t he a cold-blooded assassin? _Not anymore._ Not anymore. Now he was just another man in love, frightened about his lover’s future. _Haise’s future depends on your actions. Focus, Kishou. Do it for Haise._ He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. They were hurting and Arima couldn’t tell if it was because he felt like crying or because of his disease getting worse. _Haise needs you, now._ He put them back and smiled slightly at Hirako to thank him. He sat with the kids and drank some of the tea he was served. It calmed him a little. He seemed to be able to think clearly again. Why Haise wasn’t here, after all? He was sure he’d be functioning better if Haise were the one to make him tea.

 

“So… we stick to the plan?”

 

“Yes…” Hirako put on the table a map of the town. Regarding the quality of the drawing, Arima assumed it was made by Zero itself, a non-official map “The parade always goes up this street, it’s the main street, there’s no way they change any of it. But they must enhance the security this year, after all the rebellion is still raging in the East.”

 

“Won’t it be a problem?” Arima asked.

 

“Not at all” Hirako went on “Eto agreed to be the decoy and to attack them from this street” he pointed a narrow street near the place they first met, Zero and them “From a logical point of view, they’d be heading back to the Shôen once attacked. If not, Furuta said he could use some of his men to start riots at critical spots in the town so the Washuus would have no choice but to go back to the Shôen.”

 

“Can we trust Furuta on this?” Arima remembered too well their conversation and the gloomy feeling he had around such person.

 

“We can” a child intervened “His position in the underworld is really threatened by the Washuus. He really wants them dead. The emperor, at least…”

 

“In the Shôen, we can only count on Haise and you.” Hirako kept going, giving Arima a concerned look.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll do our part… I just hope they will trust Haise enough.”

 

“They will, don’t worry” a kid firmly said.

 

“How could you be so sure?” Arima’s fingers trembled faintly around his cup. _There are so many things I don’t know about Haise._ “Hirako… what are you hiding from me?”

 

“Arima… it’s too early for you to know.”

 

“Why so? Haise is from some noble family, isn’t he? Why have his parents been murdered? Is that Haise that you want to put on the throne?”

 

His voice sounded so cold. He was very angry, suddenly. He had kept it for himself for too long. Haise tried to explain him but his memories were conveniently missing. _What did they do to you?_ He shouldn’t ask such things now, they should remain a solid group. But he needed to know. _What are they planning to do to you?_

 

“What’s the link between Haise and the Washuus? Why are you so sure they’ll trust him that easily after years of despise?”

 

“Arima, it’s not what you think…” Hirako reached a hand to touch his arm “Haise is…”

 

“Haise is what?” Arima spoke through clenched teeth.

 

“Arima, please calm down.”

 

“I’ll tell him!” A kid shouted “Hirako-san, he needs to know. I-I understand why you don’t want to tell him, it’s a     sad story and you don’t want his heart to be confused but I still believe… he needs to know. He loves… Haise, right?”

 

Arima’s eyes widened. That was probably the last thing he expected to hear today. Of course it should be obvious, even for kids but still… It was quite a shock.

 

“If he loves Haise, then he needs to know.”


	19. Lotus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotus: Far from the one he loves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS FIC IS ON HIATUS AFTER THIS CHAPTER

Haise’s family was noble for decades. They were linked to the Washuus for how a very long time, probably since the Washuus decided to specialize in ghoul-extermination. In fact, lady Sasaki, Haise’s mother, was probably the one starting to think different. A lot of people said it was because her lover was a ghoul but it had actually started before they even met. She truly hated this constant state of war we live in. She just wanted peace between ghouls and humans. She was very committed to the people too, regardless of their human or ghoul nature, of course she was very popular. The Washuus probably wanted her dead since quite a time but because of her popularity and nobility she couldn’t just be executed without a solid reason. They probably just waited for the good moment. When they discovered her lover’s true nature it wasn’t very hard for them to accuse them of conspiracy against humanity, to make alliance with ghouls to plot against the emperor.

But she was pregnant when they made such discovery. They couldn’t kill her when she was with child, the people would have risen against them. Lady Sasaki was way more popular than anybody else from the Shoên. Killing her now would have been such a mistake. So they just judged her and sentenced her not to leave her quarters until the end of her pregnancy. Though we assume people sneaked in to see her. Her lover of course, but not only. Members of the underground world as well, members from V. This is probably where everything started. Lady Sasaki wasn’t a fool, she knew she was about to die as soon as she gave birth. It was a natural thing, to protect her child to be. Or in this case, children to be.

 

***

 

“Children? Do you mean that…”

 

“Arima-dono, please…”

 

“I’m sorry, go on.”

 

***

 

Of course she couldn’t possibly know that. It was a big surprise for everyone, you may imagine. Nobody could have predicted she would give birth to twins. The escape plan was made only for one child and she had to make a choice. A terrible choice. As planned, she gave one of them to V and kept the other with her. She felt terribly wrong about all this, she fell into some kind of depression, waiting for a death that seemed to never come. Having twins may have saved her life for few years. V took away the baby right after the delivery, it’s a very dangerous process but they had basically no choice if they wanted not to be discovered. When the Washuus heard the news of Lady Sasaki giving birth, they came right away. They showed great interest in the child, of his half-ghoul capacities. This was the first time a half-ghoul was so close to the men in power, I let you imagine how it enhanced their excitement and curiosity.

Lady Sasaki was able to raise Haise for quite a time. She was happy he was here, especially since her lover disappeared to take care of their other child. She wasn’t supposed to survive after all. She was very torn apart between her mother’s duties and the pain of having lost her lover and a child… and not being able to tell anyone, not even the little one she had currently by her side. Raising him was quite difficult as well, the Washuus barely fed him. To keep him under control they said. It was probably true somehow but it also was the closest thing to torture. Haise had numerous crises as a child and it barely was his fault. He was just so hungry he was losing his mind. He manifested a kagune quite early but never threw it at his mother, no matter how hungry he could have been. It was more and more obvious they wanted to turn him into a weapon, to push him until he revealed some of his abilities. In order to accuse him of the horrifying murder they were secretly planning.

 

***

“This why Haise lost his memories, right? Because he was accused of something he never did? And what happened to the child taken by V? Is he the one you want to put on the throne?”

 

“Arima-dono… please, I’ll tell you everything… just listen.”

 

“I just want to…”

 

“I know. We know. Protecting and freeing Haise was always part of our plan.”

 

***

His mother was always enough to calm Haise down but it was more than the Washuus needed. He was very violent and terrifying. He yelled during those crises, he truly looked like a monster. But it wasn’t his fault, what they gave him to eat… just enough to survive, and he was surrounded by human beings all the time. It was like food he couldn’t touch. We don’t blame Haise. Though everybody in the Shoên blamed him. And Haise was smart enough to understand “something” was wrong with him and truly believed he was a monster. His childhood was probably the worst part of his life. Paradoxically it went a lot better after his mother’s death. Of course it was a very traumatizing experience. The Washuus killed her, half-ate her and blamed the boy. He spent quite a time in a cell. But as soon as it was clear he had lost every memory they saw the opportunity of keeping him alive. Half-ghouls were already legends thanks to Eto. They took him as a servant and in order to stay alive Haise accepted every oath they made him take. They kept him dormant for all those years but I’m pretty sure now he’s in their estate again they are going to starve him. During the attack they probably plan to throw a starving half-ghoul against the rebels. You don’t have to worry about it, Arima-dono, Furuta will provide him with extra food. Haise needs to stay lucid.

 

***

 

“Is he going to be okay?” Arima’s voice trembled a little. He understood better now why Hirako didn’t want to tell him such things. Haise’s life was at risk. And Arima was very prone to impulsive behavior when it came to Haise. But he had to have faith in his new allies. Though Furuta wasn’t exactly what he could call an _ally_.

 

“I’m sorry. We’re doing everything we can but we can’t endanger the mission.” Hirako put a comforting hand on Arima’s shoulder “Are you okay though?”

 

“I-I guess, yes.”

 

Arima rubbed his eyes. He shouldn’t cry. Not now. Seriously when did the fearsome reaper from the East became so weak? But Haise had… such an awful life. He couldn’t forgive the Washuus, he wouldn’t forgive the Washuus. This was getting too personal but he couldn’t help it. They were hurting the only person he even felt love for. They were hurting one of the rare persons he cared about. And he was powerless now, so powerless. The cherry blossom parade felt too far away. They would have time to starve Haise a thousand times. Couldn’t he do something? No, it would endanger everything. He might be the Reaper but he wasn’t strong enough to go against the Washuus on his own. _Have faith, Kishou. You’re tired. You can’t do this alone._ He really felt like crying. _Haise is stronger than this._

“Arima-dono…” Two little arms were wrapped tenderly around his shoulders “I’m sorry it hurts so much, but Haise is strong… and he’ll be free… soon!”

 

“What happened to his twin?” His own voice sounded broken and weak. Why was he asking all those questions as well? Wasn’t it painful enough?

 

“Arima-dono…”

 

“He’s still alive. He’s our main hope for the future.” Hirako’s voice was composed and he spoke very slowly “He was raised by a female ghoul named Rize. It turned out to be an amazing coincidence since their kagunes are quite alike. But you must know… Ken is nothing like Haise, at all.”

 

“What do you mean?”

“He’s colder… It’s a façade though but… he doesn’t hesitate to fight and he’s pretty strong. He’s a nice kid, don’t get me wrong but… you’re used to be around Haise and Ken… Ken is not that naïve.”

 

“It’s fine. They’re different persons with different stories. You don’t need to worry about that.”

 

“Well, I thought… now you know, you should probably…”

 

“Meet me, right?”

 

Arima looked at the door. He was completely stunned. The man who just spoke looked a lot like Haise. Except his hair was all white. And he had an eyepatch. His voice sounded all the same, but not hesitant like Haise’s could be. He wore a deep blue kimono. He had a sad smile on his lips when his eyes met Arima’s. He really looked like Haise, but at the same time he didn’t.

 

“I’m Ken, pleased to meet you.”

**Author's Note:**

> The original idea is my friends and I's, I'm just putting it into words.
> 
> I'm not familiar with ancient Japan so if you notice something inaccurate, please tell me!
> 
> English is still not my mother tongue.
> 
> Art by mochibom.tumblr.com, repost authorized by the artist 
> 
> Thanks for reading, for leaving kudos/comments. Thanks for being here.


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